« Fifty Years | Main | Because I Said So... »


D. Megan Millington

I walk a fine line too, but I do not have the ability to rest. I can't, for one, because the painful ramifications for that period of resting, not moving for a day, takes several days to recover from. Not working out at a gym on Sundays, much less sitting for 3 hours at church takes until Wednesday/Thursday to finally regain my functionality. I am doing great on Friday and Saturday (I work out 5-6 days per week) and then Sunday sets me back again. Counter intuitive, I know, but it's what I work with around here.

I wonder if I worked less, if viewed parenting more passively, if I reduce my children's activities that maybe I would stop living at a 4 every day and have fewer 8 level days, but I fear that as my disease progresses, I will become less engaged 5 years or 10 years down the line. I have to live now because I don't know what the future looks like. I'm not going to die, just be less mobile and more miserable.

So I look at my life and think I am frenetically moving. But I fear I will not have the abilities I do have in my future and my opportunity to mother my children is running out right now.

I look at my children and know I have x number of years left, x numbers of Christmases, x hours or minutes before I send them off into an adult world. Time. It's rushing by. I don't have time for pain. So I take the pill(s) and hope for medical knowledge to improve.

A faulty brain sending pain signals all the time is hard to manage. I wish I had a story or two to cite as the reason I struggle. I envy your (albeit, not in any way to diminish your experiences at all) stories of surviving accidents and injuries. I have no explanations than my brain is flat out lying. So I take the medication that tells it to shut up, even if it's only for a few hours at a time.

Though I do long for a slower pace too.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

Most Recent Photos

  • Blanket
  • Mourningdove27a
  • Fireworks
  • Snake29d
  • Snake29b
  • Snake29
  • Bluebird3c
  • Larksparrow28
  • Heroncatch17a
  • Wetlily23b
  • Wetlily23a
  • Wetlily23