The View from Here

A Million Little Things...

We are almost finished with our move. Two more days to finish packing the garage and the garden shed. I’m beyond exhausted each night, but find my body more or less recovered by morning. It’s a good feeling to start the day with renewed energy. I’m thankful.

I thought we were prepared to move. I was proud of how much we have downsized in the past three years since we moved to town. I packed 90% of our stuff for the movers. However, that 10% left to haul in the pickup turned out to be “a million little things” that I’m seriously questioning. We still have far too much stuff and I’m ready to spend the winter getting rid of even more of it.

As I’ve traveled this week between the two houses I thought of my grandmother moving from Texas to Oklahoma in a covered wagon. It would be fascinating to look inside that wagon and see what they thought was required to make a new life in a new territory. I know they didn’t have room for a million little things…

Tomorrow

The movers will be here tomorrow morning. We’re shutting down the computers and television and transporting them today, so this is the last time I’ll post for a while. If everything goes according to plan we will be back online Tuesday.

The last few days have been stressful. Several things have NOT gone according to plan. We’re both tired and although Gary is progressing, he still has to “sit and watch” the moving process. It’s not a role he’s had to play before. Three things keep me positive: We’ve done this before. We have plenty of help. We have five more days to take care of details.

Talk to you later from our new location and I promise to take some photos of what will soon be my wonderful new garden. Have a great weekend!

The Road to Recovery

I brought Gary home from the hospital yesterday. It was a great relief to have him home and to know that he is on the road to recovery. And yet…

I am now responsible for his care.

There is no regret in that statement and it isn’t meant as a complaint either. This is not the first time I’ve cared for Gary after an accident or illness and he has certainly done the same for me. I think he has actually been nurse-caretaker-advocate far more times than I have. When he thanked me for my help yesterday I reminded him that he was taking care of me just two years ago. “Well, I guess that’s what we signed up for,” was his reply. Indeed, forty-five years ago we agreed to “in sickness and in health” and we’re not sorry that we did.

I simply stated a fact that is often overlooked by doctors. When Gary was released to go home he was given a list of medications, a couple of warnings about symptoms, and an appointment to see our family physician next week. I was largely ignored, even though I did voice a couple of concerns that were addressed. I don’t think the doctor gave a moment’s thought to the fact that I will be caring for his patient from now on. It would have been so nice if he had simply said, “Do you have any questions about his care?”

When we stopped at the volunteer desk the assistant pushing his wheelchair said cheerily, “Patient 230- We got him well and he’s ready to go home!” I appreciated her positive attitude, but he is hardly “well”. He is weak, has trouble breathing, can’t walk across the room without a cane, and needs help with a variety of tasks. And we still don’t know what prompted this health crisis or how to avoid a repeat. We are hoping that a specialist will be able to give us more specific advice in a few weeks.

I know many of you are in similar situations. Some of you have been caring for a spouse or child for months or years. It’s a natural consequence of loving someone and living your life together. And yet…”responsible” means a lot of decisions and challenges. In some cases it means developing a set of skills you don’t naturally have or acquiring knowledge you never dreamed you would need. My responsibility is easy compared to those of you caring for loved ones with cancer or dementia. And we are hopeful that Gary truly is on the road to a full recovery. Some of you know your loved one is on a much more uncertain path.

I pray that everyone, especially those in the medical professions, will give just a bit more consideration to the people who take patients home and become responsible for their care. With the proper knowledge and support we can offer much better care for our loved ones.

Sweet Memories

Today is the anniversary of my Mom’s death. While the loss of a loved one never really gets “easy” it certainly becomes easier to recall happier times and to find peace in fond memories of them. Thanksgiving was one of Mom’s favorite holidays and I found it especially difficult when she died just before celebrating it in 1999. Now I’m just thankful for the years when she gathered us all together and cooked a delicious meal for us. I’m a rather reclusive person in some ways and “hosting” anything has never been one of my talents. She got her gift from her mother, but didn’t pass it on to me. Lol

As we approach the winter holidays I hope that each one will be an opportunity for you to recall sweet memories of a loved one or make new ones with your family while you can.

One More Thing...

Just to complicate our life a bit more, Gary has been in the hospital since late Friday. He is receiving great care and we are praying for a positive outcome. In the meantime the moving must continue, so I’m still packing and organizing. So thankful for the prayers and help of family and friends. We’ll just see what each day brings and do whatever needs to be done. Sound familiar?

Fifteen Days

We picked up the keys for our new house yesterday. Now the real work begins: cleaning, packing, and organizing here; cleaning, unpacking, organizing, and adjusting there. Traveling back and forth at least once a day, perhaps twice since we need to eat and rest. The “rest” part is crucial at our age. We have chosen to have our furniture moved by someone else, but there are a hundred “little things” that will be moved by us in our truck.

My mind has already begun the process of adjusting to the location, layout, and personality of the new place. I decided which room will be our office. I found the window that I intend to keep uncovered so I can take photographs through it. And…I can’t help myself…I spent thirty minutes yesterday envisioning the new garden layout. It’s something I start doing as soon as I walk around a yard.  I have a notepad on my desk to jot down ideas, needs, and plans.

Anyway, don’t be surprised if I am only sporadically here for the next couple of weeks. Of course the computer will be one of the last things we move. But, fifteen days is a short time when you are changing so much of your life and routine, so I might be busy with other tasks. Please keep us in your prayers.

Christmas Challenge

When I was a child we didn’t think much about Christmas until after the Macy’s parade. I have proof in my little diary from 1963 that we actually did our shopping on December 24^th that year! Now stores begin promoting “the holidays” the moment the last witch and goblin costumes are removed from the shelves. Some friends, that I refuse to publicly acknowledge, started Christmas shopping in the summer!

This year I bought the first gift on my list in early October because I know the store where it was available will soon be crowded with far more shoppers than I care to encounter. I’m not enthusiastic about any shopping and Christmas shopping sometimes seems far too orchestrated by the media. We’re told about the most popular toys, the most coveted devices, and the most desired gifts as though our status as a benefactor is somehow dependent on making at least one of those purchases. I prefer to match gifts to people in a way that shows I’m paying attention to their lives. I don’t do a lot of shopping and buying for the holidays, which in our family includes several birthdays, but I try to make each gift special.

The only shopping I truly enjoy is anonymous shopping for strangers! Charitable gifts have always been a part of our Christmas celebrations. I can remember even as a somewhat “underprivileged child” myself, giving to holiday projects at our church. Some years we made toys or donated canned goods or gave a few items of clothing to others. As an adult I’ve always tried to think of some way to share our blessings. My favorite donation is to the local “angel tree” that gives gifts to local children. I love fulfilling the wishes of children I will never see- it makes me feel like the Santa I imagined when I was a child.

This year we have SO many children and adults in need because of national disasters. It shouldn’t be difficult for any of us to find a way to share our riches with someone else. Yes, I said riches…because if we are sitting in warm houses with our basic needs being met, then we are RICH in comparison with those who have lost everything this year to fires, floods, and tornadoes. So my challenge to you this year is to give $20, the average price of a restaurant dinner, to someone else- to a charity, stranger, church, civic organization, library, school, or child…anyone you choose…but a person or organization that is NOT already on your annual shopping list.

Galatians 6

⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

The Return of the Geese

Yesterday Gary and I decided to take an extra trip to the Hagerman Wildlife Refuge. We plan to attend the “Second Saturday” wildlife program tomorrow, but program days are often quite busy and crowded with extra traffic along the auto tour route. So…as we were having breakfast yesterday we decided that the weather and circumstances might provide us a quieter time to take photos. I’m so thankful for we made that decision!

For most of the morning ours was the only vehicle on the refuge roads. We got to witness the entertaining antics of the geese that have already returned to the refuge. There will soon be thousands more, but any large group is breathtaking to watch and startling to listen to- they are quite vocal!

If you live anywhere near Pottsboro, Texas I encourage you to visit Hagerman Wildlife Refuge sometime in the next few months and see this great migration phenomenon.

A Useful Life

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

A dear friend posted that quote on her Facebook page today.

I’ve mentioned several times in the past that it would be a great honor to have “she led a useful life” carved on my headstone. I first came across the phrase about six years ago while working on the biography of Ella Bilbo, one of Caddo’s foremost community leaders. When she died in 1942 the editor of the paper commented “Mrs. Bilbo led a useful life.” Indeed, she was one of the most active women in Caddo’s history. But it wasn’t long before I noticed the phrase repeated in many of the obituaries I recorded:

1910- Jannie Jones- After a long and useful life she died as she lived, honored, trusted and loved by all who knew her best.

1920- Dr. Crossett- He did not fear death, frequently saying he had lived a long and (he hoped) useful life and was ready to go.

1930- R. C. McGraw-Here was a long and useful life, well lived to bless the race of mankind. R. C. McGraw was a man who respected himself and commanded respect. A typical type of Southern gentleman and a Christian without reproach.

1936-B. F. Maddox was 92 years of age Monday, and to celebrate a long and useful life upon earth he invited Rev. A. J. Ward, A. F. McCreary, Lake Brewer, J. C. Davison, and G. A. Crossett to take dinner Monday with him at the home of his daughters Mrs. Birdie Hill and Mrs. W. C. Faulkner. (He died two years later.)

A useful life…such a simple phrase, and yet as Emerson points out, it represents a commitment to making a difference in the world. I think sometimes we feel discouraged because we aren’t making a difference in the BIG world, in the global community that we hear so much about on the news. However, there is much to be admired about those who make a difference in their own small world, in their local community, in their local church, in their local school, in their own family.

We see so much on social media about making memories: traveling, having fun, seeing the world, experiencing new cultures. There is almost universal encouragement to entertain ourselves and the next generation with exciting adventures and innovative gadgets. And there is certainly nothing wrong with having a good time and enjoying our life. But I fear that we sometimes lose sight of our responsibility to make life better for those around us. We forget to teach our children that they are not the “center of the universe” and that their needs/wants shouldn’t always take precedence over those of others. The Bible gives us countless examples of Christians who sacrificed their own desires in order to be useful to others in need. Sometimes those sacrifices meant giving up possessions, but often they just required disciples to set aside their fears, or give up their personal plans in order to fulfill those of God.

Emerson also reminds us that being useful isn’t always a happy endeavor. Sometimes it requires us to be uncomfortable. Sometimes it requires us to do tedious things we’d rather not do. Sometimes it requires us to work with people who challenge our feelings and opinions. Sometimes it requires us to trade our wishes for our duty. In the end I think it is worth the sacrifice.

 Happiness is a fleeting emotion. The consequences of a useful life may last an eternity.

Thoughts About Violence

A news reporter made the comment yesterday that perhaps we have grown “numb” to the frequency of violent acts that now occur in our nation. On the contrary, I think we are simply overcome by a myriad of emotions. We are heartbroken and going through the natural process of mourning…but the mourning never has a chance to end. We’re angry, but not sure where to direct our anger. We feel vulnerable and powerless to prevent the next tragedy. We feel guilty that we are still leading our ordinary daily lives. And we’re also grateful to be living our ordinary daily lives. We’re determined to solve this problem, but don’t know how.

Personally I’m finding it difficult to avoid thinking about the violence too much. The questions of “how” and “why” are always lurking in the recesses of my mind. Like many people, I guess I hope that if we figure out the reasons behind these violent acts we will be able to prevent them. My own attitude has suffered a bit of a “reset”. I find myself questioning the behavior of friends. I read FB posts and comments more carefully. I’m aware that any crowd situation is now also a potential target for lunatics and terrorists. The expectation of the next event haunts me. I found myself praying through the NY marathon.

This morning as I read an article about my great-grandmother and her friends gathering for a home demonstration meeting, it suddenly occurred to me that I could not think of a single woman in our family who had served time in jail. I can make a list of the males…dating back several generations…who have been behind bars for everything from making illegal whiskey to stealing cars to murder. However, the women of our family seemed to stay on the right side of the law. My next thought was that the violent acts we hear about on the news are usually committed by a man.  Of course I had to stop and visit Google for some facts and figures:

Most violent crimes are committed by men. (Men outnumber women in most census years.)

Sadistic violence is almost exclusively male.

Of the mass shootings that have occurred since 1982, 88 were committed by males, 2 by females, and 1 by a male/female pair.

Most mass murderers are white males.  Of the mass shootings that have occurred since 1982, 51 were committed by Whites, 15 Blacks, 7 Latinos, 7 Asians, 3 Native Americans, 5 “other”, and 3 “ethnicity unknown”.

Average age is 35.

Many are mentally disturbed, loners, or estranged from family. They frequently have a history of domestic violence.

Many have a sense of “entitlement” and the loss of a job, spouse, status, is considered unacceptable.

Males are attracted to the role of antihero.

Males are historically rewarded for aggression.

None of this information fully explains our current problems, nor does it lead us to any firm conclusions about preventing future tragedies. However, I think that knowing more about the nature of violent behavior and the facts about mass murderers will encourage us to see that we will make very little progress toward finding a solution if we keep arguing about weapons instead of helping and healing the mind of the person using them.