The View from Here

A Work in Progress

A little over a year ago I began the renovation of this flower bed. It was a wild tangle of mint, strawberries, chives, and weeds…abandoned and forlorn. I was determined to transform it into a butterfly garden that would attract the critters I love to photograph.

This morning I wandered out to assess the progress of my little project. While there have been some setbacks and a couple of plants died while I was on vacation, the remaining plants are doing well and I’m confident that next year the butterfly garden will be well established. It is still a work in progress, but it has already attracted a few butterflies, dragonflies, and grasshoppers. I hope to photograph them soon!

It occurred to me as I took these photos that I have also been a “work in progress” this past year. I’ve worked hard to become healthier, thinner, and stronger. I’ve tried to remain useful to my community and committed to my favorite projects. I’m still striving to adjust to retirement. I’m exploring some new options and possibilities. I’m looking forward to new adventures. Progress…

Ties That Bind

One of the joyful experiences of our recent trip to California was our visit to the Chaffee Zoo in Fresno. Gary’s brother had a season pass to the zoo and loved to attend their events. Finding that pass in his wallet reminded me of how many happy hours we’ve all spent at the zoo. Gary and I both have fond memories of childhood visits. We grew up during the years when animals were housed in deplorable conditions, but we could also touch, feed, and interact with them. We felt a deep connection to them, especially Nosey, the elephant purchased with money collected by the community. The plaque on her pen read ‘Nosey, Given in 1949 to the city of Fresno by the children of the San Joaquin Valley”. I felt like she was one of my pets.

We took our children to the zoo on a regular basis. It was cheap, relaxing entertainment and the zoo made many improvements over the years. The monkey exhibit and the “big cat” house were two of our favorite displays. And of course the zoo was always a great place for photography. When I took a class in 1990 I went straight to the park to complete my first assignment.

We visited the zoo with our grandchildren when they were little, and I assumed that would probably be their last visit.  However, I was thrilled to hear that our youngest grandchild, now an adult, returned to the zoo with a friend just a couple of weeks ago.

Being at the zoo once again had a calming effect on both of us. The sights, sounds, and smells were familiar and soothing. Watching young families with their children was a reminder that life goes on and there is still goodness in the world. Walking where Mike had walked was a reassurance that some of his life was pleasant and brought him happiness. And seeing the impressive new African habitat served as a promise that the future will be even better than the past and that families will continue to make lasting memories with their loved ones.

A Secret Life

The sudden death of Gary’s younger brother was a shock to our family, but the revelation of how he actually lived his life was an even greater surprise. You know I am not one to withhold information that I think would benefit others, so I have asked Gary’s permission to share the basics of his brother’s malady.

First of all I must tell you that we had not been in Mike’s home in thirty years. During our visits to California Mike always met us at our daughter’s home in another town. It was just more convenient for all of us. We realized during our most recent vacation visit that his mental and physical condition had deteriorated, but we were totally unaware that his living conditions might be a factor.

Mike died at home so the county coroner was the person who informed us that his home was “hazardous” and we should use extreme caution when entering it. We weren’t quite sure what that meant, but I told Gary at the time that a “woman coroner” might have cleanliness issues and higher expectations for sanitation than a single man. We decided to keep an open mind. We should have trusted the coroner’s professional opinion.

It came as a heart-breaking shock to discover that Mike was an extreme hoarder. We’ve all seen the television shows. Caddo always had a couple of hoarders. I grew up living next door to one of them. But it is a different experience to walk into a home that is uninhabitable by anyone’s standards, and to know that a loved one had been living that way, most likely for decades.

Since we came home I’ve been reading about hoarding and the signs and symptoms of Mike’s addiction were always there- we just didn’t recognize them. And according to what I’ve read, there isn’t much we could have done even if we had realized Mike was a hoarder. Hoarders are not easily rehabilitated. Hoarding is not even officially recognized as a distinct psychological disorder, but is connected to other disorders such as bipolar disorder, social anxiety, and depression.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America , “Hoarding is the persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions, regardless of their actual value…Commonly hoarded items may be newspapers, magazines, paper and plastic bags, cardboard boxes, photographs, household supplies, food, and clothing. Hoarding can be related to compulsive buying (such as never passing up a bargain), the compulsive acquisition of free items (such as collecting flyers), or the compulsive search for perfect or unique items (which may not appear to others as unique, such as an old container).”

I was surprised to read on the Mayo Clinic site that the symptoms of hoarding often begin very early: “Clutter and difficulty discarding things are usually the first signs and symptoms of hoarding disorder, which often surfaces during the teenage years. As the person grows older, he or she typically starts acquiring things for which there is no need or space. By middle age, symptoms are often severe and may be harder to treat.”

Here are some of the signs and symptoms:

• Persistent inability to part with any possession, regardless of its value
• Excessive attachment to possessions, including discomfort letting others touch or borrow them or distress at the idea of letting an item go
• Cluttered living spaces, making areas of the home unusable for the intended purpose, such as not being able to cook in the kitchen or use the bathroom to bathe
• Keeping stacks of newspapers, magazines or junk mail
• Letting food or trash build up to unusually excessive, unsanitary levels
• Acquiring unneeded or seemingly useless items, such as trash or napkins from a restaurant
• Difficulty managing daily activities because of procrastination and trouble making decisions
• Moving items from one pile to another, without discarding anything
• Difficulty organizing items, sometimes losing important items in the clutter
• Shame or embarrassment
• Limited or no social interactions

Unfortunately even the experts don’t know exactly what causes hoarders to become obsessive about their things. Genetics, depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, and traumatic life experiences all seem to be connected to the disorder, but no clear cause or cure is evident...yet. And according to most experts, a hoarder's behavior may improve with cognitive therapy and sometimes medications to treat an underlying medical problem, but it is a chronic condition that at this time cannot be cured.

I hope sharing this will make you more aware of those friends and family members who may be living a secret life. It is estimated that from 14 to 19 million people in the US are hoarders. Now that you know the signs and symptoms you may be able to help someone improve their living conditions. Most hoarders will NOT seek help alone because they do not perceive that they have a problem. It’s up to us to offer it.

The Pursuit of Happiness...

 

It seems that lately everyone has a “worthy cause” they feel justifies their need to gather together, scream and yell in protest, defy authority, destroy property, and/or disrupt the plans of those who oppose them.  Our country was founded on the belief that we have the right to do that and our forefathers were certainly not known for their silence or their passiveness.   However, our ancestors did not have the advantage of our knowledge of history, our rapid means of communication, or our numerous opportunities for personal involvement.

First of all, one would think that the history of our country would convince us that fighting against and amongst ourselves is never a good thing. Violent confrontation has nearly destroyed our way of life several times and yet we seem to learn little from the lessons of war and riots. When I was a young woman I used to think that we were united as “Americans” and our goal was to stamp out communism, poverty, and injustice around the globe. Now the news media seems determined to remind us that we can divide ourselves by race, religion, occupation, political affiliation, gender, sexual orientation, social status, and financial level.  The goal of any group seems to be dominance over any other group.

My grandparents didn’t know a lot about the world except what was announced on the radio or written in the newspaper. There was often a sense of “disconnect” between events in other parts of the world or even in our own country because of the delay in reporting. But there was also time for items in the newspaper to be read and re-read, discussed at the dinner table, and talked about at the post office or the local café.   Then this thing called “television” found a place in their living room and we watched, transfixed, as visions of the whole world and even outer space were broadcast for our enlightenment and entertainment. The reporting was much more immediate and personal and heartbreaking. I remember many tears cried over the “starving children in Africa”. Now events are televised as they happen and the news is reported so rapidly that we have little time to think before reacting to it.

My grandparents and parents didn’t get involved in politics or protesting. They seldom had the time or energy to attend a group gathering for school or social events, much less a “cause”. They were too concerned with making a living and keeping us fed to worry much about what was going on beyond their daily lives.  Church work was the extent of their community service and voting for the president was about the limit of their political involvement. Now we have more time and opportunities to become involved in community and charity work. We can join a variety of groups and organizations. We can raise funds and awareness through social media without leaving the comfort of our homes. We can communicate with strangers and travel quickly and easily anywhere in the world. Unfortunately we don’t often give enough thought to the groups we join or the causes we embrace. We fall prey to peer pressure or social expectations. We “jump on the bandwagon” before carefully considering where it is going.

So we find ourselves each morning listening to chants of “black lives matter”, “blue lives matter”, “all lives matter”. But the reality is that each and every day, in dozens of ways, we give the impression to others that their lives matter, but our own life matters more. It is the nature of man to be selfish. We avoid personal harm. We are defensive, even aggressive, against threats to our body. We guard our family and our possessions. We eat more than we need. We save money and build up stockpiles of possessions we don’t need. We entertain ourselves and decorate ourselves. And in most situations it is also our natural instinct to believe that whatever we say or do is “correct” and anyone who opposes us is wrong. That’s just the way our sinful little brains work. Let’s face it- most of the time “I’m okay, but you need forgiveness” is our prayer. Remember when Paul lamented that he ended up doing the very things he knew were wrong? Why do we do that? Because at the time it seems like what we need or want… and we have the free will to do it.

Yes, our country was founded on the premise that we all have the right to pursue happiness and the belief that we can live and function peaceably while doing so, but the reality is that your pursuit of happiness may nullify mine, and I can’t let that happen. So there has to be a way for both of us to compromise just enough to obtain the essence of what we desire. From the very beginning of mankind there has been strife and quarreling and jealousy and hatred. However, peace has always been God’s goal for us. Love and charity and understanding are what we are instructed by the Bible to pursue.

When we treat anyone with disrespect, or disregard the rights of others, or ignore the needs of those less fortunate, we imply that what we have or need or want is superior. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, between self-sufficiency and selfishness. And when we group together to protest anything there is always the danger that “mob mentality” will take over and we will lose our perspective and let our emotions take control of our actions. We may find ourselves adopting the attitude that our group matters more than the individuals within it, and that often leads to trouble.

We are at a crossroads in our country. We can continue to divide and dispute or we can unite together with the common goal of allowing everyone in our country to live in peace and safety. There is only one way to do that- remember the words of Jesus in Mark 12:

³⁰ And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

³¹ And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

Roadside Attractions

On long trips Gary and I typically drive for two hours before switching places. This time I decided to try an experiment and take photos when I wasn’t driving. I wasn’t sure what I’d be able to capture at 70mph, especially shooting to the side, but I wanted to give it a try. The great thing about digital photography is that you don’t waste anything except a little card space and I had an extra card. I told Gary “I’d rather end up deleting every shot, than not attempt any”. So…here are a few of the resulting photos. I’m very pleased with them and I think they convey a sense of the vastness of the Southwestern desert.

Arizona and New Mexico were as green as I’ve ever seen them, and although I was unable to clearly capture the cactus blooms, I can assure you that they were gorgeous. We drove through rain in AZ, NM, and TX so I managed a few good storm shots. The mountains were relatively easy to photograph. The trains were slow moving and ever present. And of course there were plenty of tacky, wacky, roadside attractions found only in America. Enjoy!

Road Food Adventures

I wasn’t quite sure I would be able to eat anything healthy while on the road to and from CA. When I’m in my own territory I never eat anywhere that has a drive-thru. Okay, Braum’s is the exception because it also has a market where I buy milk and ice cream. But I don’t eat “fast food” and we don’t normally eat in a restaurant more than once every three or four months.

I didn’t want us to eat in expensive restaurants, especially not for lunch, which also needed to be a relatively quick stop. And of course we would be eating in a different town for each meal, so familiar names seemed like the best options. At least I know the general menu of the chain restaurants, and while all of them are very generous with salt and fat, some are better than others. Then there is of course the issue of being a pescetarian. So…Denny’s (lots of veggie options), Carl’s Jr. (bean burrito), Taco Bell (bean burrito), Golden Corral (veggies and fish), Iron Skillet (salad bar), and Subway (veggie sub) were our dining choices. All close to the highway, easy to locate, mostly consistent, and not too expensive.

Little did I know that eating three meals a day would be such an adventure or that we would have so many stories to tell!! LOL

First of all, our breakfasts were always eaten at the hotels, where I discovered that there are several approaches to cooking scrambled eggs and not all of them are good! Biscuits held in warming pans always taste stale. Other people are crazy about waffles! And children do not like to eat early. They are often cranky and whiny and spill stuff everywhere. Some people have no qualms about being seen barefooted and in their pajamas. Some people eat standing up, even if there is a table. Others apparently don’t plan on eating for the rest of the day so they make sure to eat a “hearty” breakfast. BTW, we ate one breakfast in a construction zone, complete with yellow tape, because the hotel lobby was being remodeled. And our best breakfast is always (three trips) at the Quality Inn in Barstow, CA because it’s served at an actual restaurant attached to the hotel.  

Denny’s has the most varied menu and consistent cooking, but they also provided us with some of the most “interesting” dining experiences I’ve ever had. I’m not going to name locations, but at one restaurant our waitress excused herself after bringing our drinks, explaining that she had an emergency at home. Before we finished our meal she had returned with her child, who was relegated to a corner booth with some books and food. At another our waitress actually fell, broke a lot of glassware, cut her hand, and stayed in the back room for about fifteen minutes. Then she returned to work with a bandaged hand covered by a glove! We encountered a “cook in training” who argued with the manager about his lack of consistency in making pancakes. He made a veggie skillet for me…without the broccoli…and instead put it on Gary’s steak skillet. A young waitress at one location didn’t even know there was a veggie skillet on the menu and she returned to our table to ask me if I meant omelet. I had to show her the skillet on the menu. At another we barely got any attention at all because our waitress was fascinated by the couple next to us, visiting from London. She stood at their table and talked whenever she got the chance.

Carl’s Jr. is Gary’s choice for burgers. They also have burritos…at some locations. Turns out we picked one that didn’t, but there was a Subway in the same location, with a shared dining area, so it turned out okay. I really hate Subway, but one veggie sub didn’t hurt me. I also don’t like Taco Bell, hadn’t eaten there in about twenty years, and it will be okay if I never eat there again.

We ate at one Golden Corral and I enjoyed a big salad, veggies, and fish. Unfortunately our entertainment for the evening was a very irate customer who insisted that the chocolate fountain should not have been turned off and cleaned thirty minutes before closing and loudly berated several employees about it. There were also more children running, knocking things over, and generally misbehaving than I have ever seen before at GC. Four different groups had to be chastised by the staff.

Iron Skillet is a restaurant chain attached to TA travel centers. Gary was very pleased with their food when he was driving a truck, so when we arrived at our destination and saw their sign we decided to try them. Their salad bar was excellent, complete with chilled plates and a wide variety of add-ons.

In case you are a pescetarian and ever stranded in Nacona, TX where the only obvious place to eat is the DQ, order the chicken salad. The chicken is added to the top and can be easily removed to give to your husband. One of the staff members is about 90 years old and she will come out to your table and talk to you while she cleans. She will also ask you to leave your trash on the table…job security!

Thankfully in CA we were treated to my daughter’s excellent cooking (she learned from her grandmother, not me) and we also ate at some wonderful restaurants that she recommended. I ate the best calamari I’ve ever tasted, an excellent scallop salad, a great egg salad sub, spinach enchiladas, and portabella ravioli. I also had cinnamon coffee, which was delightful. (BTW, I lost three pounds while vacationing.)

Gary and I sampled clam chowder at the wharf in Monterey and he took these photos of the meals on display.

America the Homeless

As we celebrate today I can’t help thinking about the numerous homeless people we encountered during our recent road trip. They were evident in every state, but much more prevalent once we entered California. Most were just walking the streets, but a few were aggressive enough to ask us for change. They made the rounds of the restaurants and hotels. One wandered through a store parking lot shouting obscenities. Some were intimidating, but most were just pathetic.

One morning we watched the local news and learned that Los Angeles County has an estimated 47,000 homeless people. 28,000 live in the city- in tents, shanties, and vehicles. There has been a major increase in the number of women living on the streets, and of course there is a shortage of shelters for them. According to recent statistics about 35% of the U. S. homeless are families with children, and 25% are veterans. The states with the highest number of homeless residents are Hawaii, New York, and California.

Gary and I found ourselves asking why there are so many people living on the streets. The answers are complicated and of course some of the people we see pushing carts or riding bicycles have mental problems and addictions and disabilities that prevent them from functioning normally. But many people are homeless because they were living so close to true poverty that one crisis- a broken down vehicle, a health emergency, a layoff, a divorce, or an accident- sent them over the edge. Some are far away from other family members. Many have friends living in the same conditions, so they are of little help. And without enough emergency shelters they had nowhere else to go. Once a person ends up on the street it can be nearly impossible to get back to a normal life. According to Home Aid, a non-profit housing provider:

 “The great challenge for the newly homeless is to figure out how to return to their normal lives. Organizations that build emergency shelters and transitional housing typically work with a larger number of service providers around the country whose mission is to provide the services, such as job training, social skills training, and financial training, that enable these people to regain employment and return to mainstream lives. The progression for these recently homeless is to first be housed in transitional residences where they can learn these skills, to graduate to assisted living in affordable housing while they build up economic reserves and rebuild their employment resume, and then to graduate to full, market rate housing.”

I don’t know how many homeless people are living in our area, but I know I’ve seen a few wandering the streets. I admit to not giving them much thought until now. I’m not sure what I can do to help the problem, but knowledge leads to greater understanding, so I begin with that.  I know there are some food pantries in our county that welcome donations.

As we give thanks for our freedom today, perhaps we can say a pray for those less fortunate and ask some serious questions about what is going on in our own town.  If each of us helps just a little we might make a big difference.

Water

When I left a couple of weeks ago I told you I was planning on a reunion with the sea. It was everything I hoped for and more! I was able to walk on the sand with very little difficulty. I collected drift wood, rocks and shells to carry home. I took photos of the water and a few birds and animals. But mostly I just stood on the beach and enjoyed the sights and sounds and smells.

 

Of course my reunion with the beach of my childhood was tinged with just a bit of sadness. The drought has taken its toll on much of the local vegetation. The number of visitors to the area has probably increased tenfold and crowding is sometimes annoying. Traffic is unbelievable in the most popular areas! But the ocean is unchanged. The water and the wildlife seem unfazed by the influence of man. The waves continue to roll onto the sand.

 

I suppose it’s that continuity that appeals to people. The ocean seems at once ancient and eternal, always ready to welcome us home, promising to be there for the next generation. I enjoyed my reunion and can’t wait for the next one.