The View from Here

Miracle of Miracles....

My children and grandchildren pulled off the biggest surprise of my life last night by meeting us at Olive Garden to celebrate our 40^th anniversary! Yes, read that again…our children and grandchildren met us for dinner! Karen, Katrina, Robert, Austin, Taylor- all together at the same table!

And I didn’t have a clue that they were going to be there! It never even crossed my mind that my children from three different states- two different coasts- with busy lives and jobs and schedules, would all be sitting at a table waiting to have dinner! Add to the logistics of it the fact that one hates to fly and two have children in school and you might fully understand my amazement.

Robert asked us several weeks ago to be sure that we kept the weekend open because “after all, my parents have been married forty years”. He made sure that his father requested the weekend off. He teased us unmercifully in a series of emails about what we were going to do…asking us if we had wading boots, if we were afraid of heights, if we liked circus animals, etc. but wouldn’t  give us a hint about his actual plans. I even commented to my daughters and several friends that I was a bit fearful of what he had planned because as everyone knows he has a slightly skewed sense of humor. LOL

Finally this week he asked us to meet him at Olive Garden Friday night, which we gladly did. He and his friend Amber met us in the parking lot and we all walked up to the front desk. I thought Robert had probably mentioned our occasion when making the reservations because the hostess had such a big grin on her face when she asked “How are you this evening?” Little did I know!!

The waiter led us out to the dining area while inquiring about whether we wanted a table or booth, then suddenly turned back and said, “Oh I think you are over here” and led us back a few steps. I almost fainted when I saw a big group already seated and realized it was OUR group!!

I’m sure you will see more photos and perhaps even a video later, but let me just tell you it’s a good thing I’m on new blood pressure medicine! The hostess asked me if I was surprised and I told her she was lucky she hadn’t had to pick me up off the floor. “Incredulous” doesn’t begin to do justice to my reaction!

We had a splendid evening of eating, laughing and talking. The manager came over twice to talk to us and we assured him we would be back for our 50^th. We took more photos. We finished off the evening with ice cream at Braum’s. And today there is another surprise planned! Whatever it is surely can’t compare to the sight of my family waiting at that table. It is a memory I will cherish forever! Gary and I talked about it all the way home.

Of course I must add that our sweet Hope was unable to join us because she is attending college in Nova Scotia and taking her finals this week. We will talk with her this weekend.

I said on Facebook yesterday that I was ready for a “Fun Friday”! WOW! I was so excited this morning I woke up at 3:30! It’s going to be a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

Mary and Gary's Excellent Adventures

At first glance Gary and I have very different backgrounds, but closer examination reveals that the one childhood characteristic we have in common is instability. My parents traveled around the country seeking employment and we ended up living in a different location at least twice a year. Gary’s mother died when he was four and his father was in the Navy, so he was raised first by his grandmother, and later by a step-mother. He, too, lived in a variety of places. We also had parents who told us practically nothing about money- his because they had so much, mine because we had so little.

So it shouldn’t have surprised anyone that we spent the first twenty years of our marriage moving, working an assortment of jobs, and living from paycheck to paycheck. It was what we knew best. My grandmother always said “The Lord watches over fools.” I can personally attest to that, because many of our early actions and decisions were quite foolish. I suppose most of us can say that about something we did when we were 20+, but I shake my head to think how close we came a few times to literally living on the street. The only thing that saved us was the generosity of my grandmother. She took us in, as she did her own children, other relatives, foster children, and friends. She gave us a place to stay until we were back on our feet, and helped us with our children when we found work. And I’m happy to say that we repaid her in kind by taking care of her as she aged. Gary’s family was also helpful with money, time, and babysitting. His grandmother, though older and hampered by health problems, was always kind and generous.

The one thing Gary and I did have in common was a farming background. I think that is why we both enjoy the outdoors and why we spent so much of our early time camping, hiking, fishing, and playing outside. We dragged our children off to the mountains, the woods, the desert, and the lake as often as we could. Gary had also grown up with cars; he and his brother shared an interest in racing and we were involved in that for several years. Lack of money or experience hardly ever kept us from trying something. I swear both of us have gypsy or circus blood!

It is a miracle we raised three relatively normal children. They know I say that with love, but with the understanding that yes, they are a little “different” because of our lifestyle. I am proud to say that in spite of our shortcomings as parents and regardless of the many moves we made, they are intelligent, well-educated, productive, creative individuals with good lives. And I have to restate that in the beginning Gary and I were probably the least likely people ever to share parenthood. He had hardly ever seen a child- his father was an only child and he had very little family except his brother and step-sister.  I grew up surrounded by brothers, cousins, and neighborhood children. Our ideas and experiences clashed every other day! But somehow we all survived.

Actual survival has also been a huge part of our experience together. I have had countless injuries and accidents. Gary nearly died twice. We have spent an inordinate amount of time sitting by each other’s hospital bedside or acting as nurse for each other. Add that to the times we have cared for sick and injured children and it is a good thing that we both have some medical background. Gary was a dental tech in the Navy, and later became a respiratory therapist for several years. I worked for a time as an EKG tech for a major hospital and we met at a staff party. And I might add that health related problems contributed greatly to our financial woes. A $42,000 hospital bill makes a big dent in the budget!

So, it took us a while to find our stride, to settle into careers, and to find a place to call home. I think family and friends were surprised when Gary became a truck driver, relieved when I returned to school to become a teacher, and shocked when we returned to Oklahoma. But that’s a post for tomorrow.

 

Time Together

I suppose as anyone approaches one of the big milestones of a marriage it is natural to wonder how and why some people remain together for forty or fifty or sixty years. There are even couples who have celebrated seventy years-  a lifetime- together. Amazing! But in all honesty, in our current society we are often amazed when a couple reaches the ten year goal.  It is just too easy, and too easily accepted, to get a divorce. And no, I’m not “pointing my finger”. Those of you who know me well know this is my second marriage. When I first married I was a child (17), and married another child (19), and after a couple of years we realized we didn’t and couldn’t and wouldn’t ever play well together.

When I married a second time I was older and wiser and had some experience with failure. I don’t recommend that as a criterion for finding a good spouse, but it worked for me. Gary and I have had our differences over the years, but we are well suited for each other and have enjoyed a meaningful, rewarding, and enjoyable relationship.

I will warn you now that over the next two days I plan to post some memories and photos of our forty years together. You can join our celebration if you like, or come back on Sunday for a new month and a new topic. LOL But this morning I want to comment on something Gary and I have both observed about other couples. Many of our friends, especially those no longer married to each other, spend very little time together. They might share the same address, but not the same life. Both spouses work-then the woman takes care of the house and children in the evening and on weekends; the man takes care of the cars and the yard and spends time with his buddies each weekend. Years pass and pretty soon they have drifted farther and farther apart.  By the time the children are grown, if they even stay together that long, they really don’t know each other and have very little in common. Gary and I know couples that we have NEVER seen together as a couple.

I know there are people who think Gary and I are joined at the hip because we do so many things together. But that togetherness isn’t the product of some co-dependent need or even convenience, just preference. We’ve both spent time alone and have the confidence and experience to do anything else we want to do- we just prefer to be together. During the years when Gary was driving a truck we spent only four or five days per month together and many people thought his retirement might result in some serious conflicts. But after a brief transition period we simply enjoyed each other’s company again.

So it seems to me that if you are married to someone you should spend some time with that person. More important- you should want to spend time with that person. And that desire to spend time with another person is usually based on shared values, interests, and goals. We don’t hang around long with people we don’t respect. We don’t usually seek out people who make us angry every time they open their mouth. We don’t make friends with people who do things we find stupid or even offensive. Yet, I hear people make comments about their husbands and wives that lead me to believe they are living with just such a person!

Perhaps the reason Gary and I have been happily married for so long is because we have always been true friends. Friends disagree at times. Friends have ups and downs. Friends don’t always understand each other. But true friends are usually joined together by something constant and binding that they recognize and respect, even though they might not be able to fully explain it. True friends are supportive even if they sometimes have to be brutally honest. True friends want as much health, happiness, and wealth for you as they want for themselves. True friends are committed to you and your relationship, not just to the good times you might have today.

As I reminisce over the next two days you will understand that Gary and I have been through both triumphs and tragedies together, but the key word there is “together”. I hope and pray that you are married to your best friend. If not, perhaps it is not too late to get to know each other better!

Why me?

I often awaken with a simple thought rattling around in my little brain and as I hobble into the kitchen to make coffee I mull over what I will write about here. I know…you probably thought that I gave a great deal of planning and forethought to my posts, but such is usually not the case. I go with the flow of the morning brain waves. At 4am that is all I can manage!

This morning’s thought was a question- “Why me? Why do I deserve to be so blessed?” Of course the first answer that followed was that I don’t deserve even half of my blessings, but God is generous. However, my next thought was that I am blessed in order to share those blessings with others.  I’m not sure I always succeed, but that should always be my goal. I believe there are two reasons why God created people- to serve Him, and to serve each other. If He just wanted beauty and entertainment he would have stopped with the creation of animals!

So this morning I am feeling grateful for my family, friends, health, job, and a dozen other things. I’m feeling blessed by a marriage that has lasted for forty years! I’m feeling privileged to do the things I do. I know that in the future I may have days when I will not feel so grateful and I may have to return here and read this. That is how life works. But I think if most of us look at the “big picture” of our lives we can all ask “Why me? Why do I deserve to be so blessed?”

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

Friends and Neighbors

While I sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office yesterday I read an article about friends in one of the health magazines. For those of you cringing, let’s stop right now so I can reassure you that yes, I’m aware of the danger of touching a magazine in a doctor’s waiting room. And yes, I’ve seen Contagion; a blog for another day. My doctor gets multiple copies of one particular publication and there was a fresh stack of at least six of the latest issue and I pulled out the third from the bottom. It looked quite pristine and the pages were still crisp, so I think I was as safe with it as I was sitting in the chair or breathing the air. I digress…

The article made the statement that people with more than 300 friends on social media sites such as Facebook were found to have more development in certain areas of the brain, and are considered smarter, in general, than those without such connections, and that their brains compared favorably with people who have multiple friends in the real world. Apparently previous studies have already shown that the brains of “social” people are different from those of reclusive people. What seems to have researchers stumped for the time being is which came first- the brain development or the friendships. Are smarter people more aggressive in seeking out others, or do our multiple interactions with others and therefore other ideas, activities, and values, develop more of our brain? You can decide for yourself.

I only know that my recent experience with internet problems made my attachments to others very clear. I am by nature an independent person and quite content to spend hours and days alone. So I was surprised by the depth of my concern for what was going on in the lives of my friends during my absence. I wasn’t doing much that I felt compelled to share, other than taking some photos of spring, but I was beside myself a couple of days wondering about the impending arrival of babies, the health of some ill friends, and the safety of those traveling. I also wanted to ask someone a question about a recent project and had no way to do so! So frustrating! I am still “catching up” on pages and blog posts.

  

There are about 600+ people that I keep in touch with at least annually. Half of those are people I’ve actually met, known, and had some relationship with in the past (I’ve moved 51 times). Others are friends of friends. About 200 are genealogy contacts. There are about 100 people that I keep in close contact with and “talk” to frequently via email, FB, or letter. Yes, I still write snail mail. Someone has to keep those people employed! I don’t think I keep in touch with these people because of my brain, but because of theirs. They have enriched my life beyond measure! There are things I know and have done that are a direct result of my friendship with someone else. There are so many changes I’ve made in my life because of others.

I had the opportunity recently to see a friend that I hadn’t visited with in at least six months- an elderly neighbor who hasn’t been out and about much. She is 90+ and not as active as she was just a few years ago. I was thrilled to talk to her and hug her neck. She has brought joy to my life since I was a small child and I am blessed just to look out my window and see her home across the pastures from us. I can barely see her house and she can barely see mine, but she says she watches for my porch light. That instant rush of joy and love I felt when I saw her is why we form friendships! I don’t know about the brain research, but I can tell you that my heart is stronger and better because of my relationships with others.

So, I will end this by saying that I value each and every one of you! I am grateful for the contribution each of you makes to my life….and the growth of my brain… and I hope that I do the same for you!

 

BTW- Doctor’s visit- for those of you waiting for the end of the foot saga…nothing much to report. My lab tests show that I’m as healthy as a horse and there is nothing wrong with my body that would create the pain I still have in my foot. However, my primary physician ascribed the swelling to one of my medications and suggested some changes. I can tell you that the results are noticeable this morning.  Let that be a lesson to you!!! Always consider your medications, especially recent ones, when trying to diagnose any health problems. I was so caught up in my “foot problem” and so intent on my orthopedic care, that I completely forgot that I have been taking a new blood pressure drug for a few months. (My blood pressure is still a serious issue.) A few more tests left to try to determine the underlying cause of my foot discomfort. But I am one happy woman after the lab results!!!

A Passion for Fashion

Yes, it’s true. In my younger days I spent countless hours worrying about how I looked and what I wore and if it was “fashionable”. Of course it wasn’t. Even though I cared, and tried, I never had the money or the looks to pull off “fashionable”. My grandmother used to kindly say to my girls, “your mom is a handsome woman”. I was a bit confused by her use of a masculine term to describe me and my girls were probably equally puzzled. But she meant well.

I suppose as I look back now, what bothers me is the time and money spent on such a trivial pursuit. And I can’t even fathom the emotional commitment I made to looking good. Everyone rants on about how confident you feel when you are attractive, and how important it is to make a good first impression, and how it changes your outlook. Agreed. But the downside is that you can also feel like garbage on a “bad hair” day or totally lose your confidence if someone you know arrives at a party in a better outfit. You can get so caught up in clothing and appearance that it defines who you are. I guess I’m on a roll this week about identity, but it bothers me to see others, especially young girls, lose themselves to things that don’t last.  

Oh, don’t think for a minute that you won’t see me with new spring clothes this week! I went to JCP and did a little shopping. I bought some bright things to help me shed the winter blahs. But my feelings and choices these days are quite simple, and quite different from what they were a few decades ago. I buy things that make me happy! I buy things I enjoy wearing. I don’t shop with the thought that I will look better to others, or somehow be transformed into a swan by what I wear.

The Bible specifically admonishes us not to worry about our clothes. Matthew compares our obsession with clothing to the glorious flowers. They don’t worry and work, they just are. And God has adorned them with loveliness to help them do their work. I watched yesterday as the bees, moths, butterflies, and countless other insects swarmed over the wildflowers I have planted in the back garden. That little plot is a wonderful microcosm of the world at work. Each blossom and each critter has its role to play.

Perhaps our passion for fashion is simply envy. Maybe we are simply trying with all our might to be as beautiful as the flowers of the field. If that is true, then I think we will all fail. Each day I am amazed by the colors and shapes of the flowers in my yard. Some are so marvelous they hurt my eyes. Solomon in all his splendor could not come close to the beauty of an orange tulip! I stare in awe… and wonder why God graced us with the presence of such beauty.

Perhaps just as a reminder of his love.

 

Water

There is something inherently calming and soothing about water. I can’t wait for the sun to come up each morning so I can look out at the pond. Sometimes there are ducks or geese or herons out and about. Sometimes the turtles are already perched on their favorite rocks. But it doesn’t matter if the pond is occupied or not. The water itself is beautiful.

Last week the pond was surging and rolling and white caps were hitting the rocks. Yesterday it sat there as smooth and still as heavy glass. I walked down and stood at the edge of the water and just stared.

Breathe in, breathe out…

Sometimes it is enough to just be alive.

Bonus Blog

I've been gone so long that I have a backlog of photos to share, so I will post a few more here, and then create a spring album. Enjoy!

To Be or Not to Be...

I spent a lot of my childhood imagining what I would do or have when I grew up. I spent very little time contemplating who I would be. As I grow older I realize there is a vast difference between those concepts.

It may surprise you to learn that I really don’t consider myself to be a teacher, or writer, or photographer, or gardener. In truth I am an intelligent, talented, skilled woman striving to do those things, partly because they define how and where I can live, but mostly because they make me happy.

  

Years ago our pastor preached a message with an intriguing title: “If you ARE what you DO, then when you DON’T, you AREN’T”. At the time his focus was on the businessmen in the congregation who were spending more time on their careers than their spiritual lives or even their families. His message had even more impact because someone we all knew had died within six months of retirement. However, some of us gleaned a few more general principals from his message. I for one didn’t want to be labeled as mother or teacher or wife or writer since my life was so much more complex than any one label could convey.  And I also didn’t want to be defined by what I did, in case I chose to do something else.  

I am amused by people who spend hours listing, posting, and dreaming about what they will have or do someday. We all devote a certain amount of time and energy to dreaming, but new technology and websites have made “I want” and “I like” into obsessions for some people. I want to “be ___” is a far riskier endeavor than posting a picture of a pretty kitchen you want to have some day. I want to “be braver” for example might only be accomplished by facing fear and/or danger. And never desire to be more patient! God took me seriously one year and taught me greater patience by preventing nearly everything I wanted to do and making me wait, wait, wait for it.

So…I am still doing many of the things I did when I was younger.  But my goals are to be smarter, kinder, braver, stronger, healthier, happier, and wealthier with each advancing year. Those goals require much more time and effort than pinning a pretty picture on a bulletin board. They require a commitment to be a better person…starting with today.

Have a great day!

Back Online!

No great thoughts this afternoon. Just relief and gratitude. Finally have a new satellite system up and running. Here is a glimpse of what I've been doing with my free time this week. :) More later.