The View from Here

Singing

My granddaughter, Taylor, sang a couple of songs for me the other night. She has a terrific voice and I’m glad she has gotten interested in singing. It’s a family tradition!

Mother always sang to us when we were little. I remember a song about a cowboy with blue eyes and one about two babes lost in the woods. And she sang hymns. She had a lilting voice that was very calm and reassuring.

Several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins sing and/or play instruments and write songs.  

I always loved to sing and spent many hours mimicking my favorite singers. I sang outside a lot- probably for the comfort of others! I remember standing on the back porch next to the grape arbor and belting out “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.

I learned to sing in church, but it was in the classroom of Mrs. Erma Lee Taylor that I learned about notes and breathing and enunciation and a hundred other things that I thought were quite boring at the time. She was an exacting task master with tough standards and high expectations. She was also our church organist, choir leader, and my piano teacher. It’s a good thing I also liked her, because I sure couldn’t escape her scrutiny!

One of the first challenges she set before me was to sing a solo at the state music festival. On top of that she wanted me to sing a German song because I had taken German at my previous school! I can’t tell you how terrified I was at first, but with hours of rehearsals I pulled it off. I continued to sing for her, in English, for three years. Choir was enjoyable, challenging, and exciting. We sang a variety of songs and often appeared in public programs.

Mrs. Taylor had an absolute fetish for “professional appearance”. She was always well-dressed and she wanted us to look as good as we sounded. Each year she picked out a suit or dress for the choir and all the seamstresses in town got busy and created our look for the year. She insisted on matching shoes and we even tried to be careful with our jewelry. Her only failure was the “Peau de Soie” fiasco!  Peau de Soie is a soft, shiny satin fabric traditionally used for wedding dresses and other fancy stuff. It looks beautiful and if memory serves me correctly our dresses were a shade of blue. We looked great!! The soft fabric suited the skinny girls as well as the ones who had a few curves. The dress was a simple design. There was only one unforeseen problem!! The fabric was prone to spotting. In fact ANYTHING that touched it, from soda to sweat to plain water, left a stain. You guessed it! One of our singers ruined her dress with a trip to the water fountain during a dress rehearsal. Another spilled a milkshake on hers at lunch. Some girls dripped hairspray on theirs. There were many complaints, lots of dry cleaning, and a few dresses that had to be replaced!

I sang in church for many, many years and was often thankful to Mrs. Taylor for her early training. At one large church in CA we actually had to audition for a spot in the choir! I’ve participated in trios, groups, choirs, drama clubs, and also sung solos. It has been a joy to share my love for music. I’m glad it is passing down to the next generation.

Paper Cuts

Each year I try to teach my students a basic childhood survival skill that I learned from my mother. When I was a young girl we didn’t have a lot of money for toys. I had a few dolls and we made clothes for them. I had some toys that we got at garage sales and the local flea market. Grandparents and other relatives contributed a few. I elaborate so that you don’t think my little world was totally bleak. However, between economic constraints and constant moves I didn’t have a lot so I had to learn to be creative. My mother taught me how to make paper dolls. I could make them from old wrapping paper, newspaper, cereal boxes, and even napkins.

Now, there are two kinds of paper dolls- the kind that stand alone and have wardrobes, and the kind that link together. Yes, I can make the stand alone ones and I’m pretty handy when it comes to creating extensive wardrobes. But my favorites are the linking ones and I teach those to my students.

What always surprises me is how surprised they are by the task!! Most of my children have never seen this process and they are totally fascinated! The fact that the paper unfolds to reveal not one, but two or four dolls is almost beyond their comprehension. Its’ magic! And we love magic. J  I was going to post this only on my kindergarten blog, but then I decided that moms and grandmothers, YOU, need to be teaching this skill to our next generation.

I start by folding at least five pieces of paper for each child. This isn’t nearly as time-consuming as it sounds. I just do it at odd moments and toss them into a shoebox. I fold the paper just twice so they end up with two dolls. Then I draw only the head on one paper for each child.

The two steps of the skill that I need to really get across to them at first are the basic outline of a person and how to cut without separating the two from each other. I do this with a drawing like the one shown above. I clip one to the white board and then I cut one, slowly, step-by-step, as I talk through the process. Sometimes I have to do it twice.

Then I give each child a folded paper with the head drawn and ask them to complete the drawing to match the one on the board. Most come close the first time, but a few need help to remember the body part. Their natural tendency is to produce a drawing with arms and legs attached at the neck!

Then we start cutting! Some are successful the first time. Some are successful the tenth time. I only ask them to try it once. Then I pull a teacher trick on them. If a child comes to my desk and says “I can’t do this!” I say, “Okay, then don’t. You can go get a book or draw a picture while we finish.” Not one child will quit for more than a minute or two. I told that to four of my children this week and all of them went back and tried until they were successful!!

I usually find that I need to draw the head again for a few students. But most catch on quickly and they also fold their own paper. Then they are on their own and have a new skill for “free choice” and “inside recess” times! We went through half a ream of paper this week, but that’s a lot of entertainment for $2.00! Plus we can also use other types of paper and leftover worksheets.

I know, I know. I should have taken pictures in class and I apologize for that. I will do it next week some time. Many of my students did an excellent job and several glued their dolls together in lengthy chains. (We had made heart chains for Valentine’s Day, so they had experience in gluing pieces together.) One girl made six sets of dolls in varying sizes and then glued them into a chain, in descending order! I really should have taken a picture of that one!

I always wait until my students have grasped the basic concept of the dolls and have created several before I show them more possibilities. No, they don’t care that the dogs and cats actually have too many tails! Lol

We also make snowflakes during the winter, and various chains throughout the year.

One of the other things I like to do with paper is what I call “magic shapes”. This is something I can’t really teach my students but they like to be entertained by it. The first time I do it is usually for Easter. I’ll read a bunny story and then ask them if they want to help me “find” a bunny in a piece of paper. Of course they all do, and I make them “think really hard about what a bunny looks like” while I cut one out of a piece of white paper without drawing it first. I don’t remember exactly how or when I learned to do this, but I can usually think about something and then cut it out. Believe it or not, the pig and elephant in this photo are the first ones I’ve ever tried. I’m not sure why, but they aren’t usually requested in class and I just happen to think of them this morning when I was getting ready to do this. I promise you that I didn’t change or improve them from the “first cut to the last”. I just start and think and cut and leave what appears. Of course the next time I will make improvements. The “rat/mouse” is one I don’t do well, and I’m still working on him. Always a favorite with the kids though. They always want a horse, cow, mouse, fish, butterfly, or snake. The snake is the only one I can really teach and once I make a snake every boy in the room has to learn how to do it.

Paper cutting is entertaining and fun and one of those skills that teaches many other concepts. I love to let my children cut paper even though I always have to apologize to the custodian!

Go find your scissors!

Red sky at morning...

Parent-Teacher Conferences

Tonight we have parent-teacher conferences. It’s my chance to sit down and discuss the good, bad, and sometimes the ugly with parents. It’s a touchy situation for both of us. Most parents of kindergarten students are still too young and inexperienced to separate their ego from their child’s skills and actions. They still see their child as an extension of themselves. Most parents end up telling me much of their own life story and school experience as an excuse for whatever problem their child is having. Most don’t see their children as entirely separate human beings until about the third grade.

Many parents will blame me for whatever is wrong with their child’s school experience. I’m too strict. I expect too much. There is too much work. I don’t watch them closely enough. I don’t praise them enough. I’m too loud. I’m too old. I could go on and on…

Several years ago I wrote an article, “Ten Things I Hate About You”. It was based on surveys done of teachers and parents.  Both sides have issues that never seem to be resolved. And on top of that many parents are also teachers and strive to find a balance between their two roles.

I decided long ago that humor is the cure for most tense situations. So I offer a little today, and I hope I don’t get any hate mail. J

Things teachers never say at parent-teacher conferences:

1.    I see an orange jumpsuit in your child’s future if he doesn’t stop lying, cheating, and stealing right now.

2.    Your child has crushed my last nerve and is now pounding on my head. Make him stop!

3.    Your child has the manners of a wild animal. Who raised him?

4.    Your child has no intention of ever willingly learning anything, ever. Be prepared for years of bribing, threatening, and begging.

5.    Oh, we really don’t need to talk now. Five minutes with you and I understand why your child won’t listen to me.

6.    Can I get a handwriting sample from both of you?  Because I want to see who has been doing this child’s homework.

7.    Your child has the attention span of a gnat. I think you should unplug the video games.

8.    Yes, “overly assertive personality” really means bully.

9.    Thank you for trashing me at the bank, post office, hairdresser’s and on FB. Now I don’t have to explain my teaching methods to everyone.

10.   Yes, it’s me. I’m to blame for all of your child’s problems.

Short and sweet...

Not much to say today, so this will be short and sweet.

First of all, I might have known that Robert would have to show off his great memory and correct me! LOL I promised to let you know that the title of his paper was actually "The Negative Effects of Research Papers on High School Seniors". And he informs me that he got a "C", but he also had to aplogize to his teacher. Good to know!

I also forgot to show you the little present I bought for myself! This is a poster of Zuri, the baby elephant born at the Hogle Zoo in Utah. I have it "relaxing" on my door and will frame it this weekend. (It was tightly curled after being in its shipping tube.) I even got the signed version! Too cool!

If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to look at my kindergarten blog. We have been studying the body and healthy habits, etc. I had my students draw self-portraits and they turned out great! I posted just a few.

My friend Suzanne if having knee surgery again today. Please say a prayer for her.

My friend MJ is having a birthday today. Happy Happy Mrs. T!!! 

As my students said this week, Be Healthy and Strong!  

Living up to our potential....

Potential

1.    capable of being or becoming

2.    a latent excellence or ability that may or may not be developed

3.    someone or something that is considered a worthwhile possibility

This week I will have the opportunity to discuss my students’ progress with their parents and as always I have promised myself to not, NOT use the phrase “he/she is not living up to his/her potential”. I heard that over and over at conferences with my son’s teacher. (No, he is not going to disown me for this.) He was and is a “lazy genius”. He has superb language skills and an amazing memory, plus an understanding of how things work. Unfortunately that last bit of knowledge applies equally to technology, nature, economics, politics, and school systems. He used his skills to memorize lectures, pass tests, and talk his way out of the majority of his written work. He once wrote a term paper on the topic, “Why I Should Not Have to Write a Term Paper”. Thankfully the teacher didn’t give him a passing grade because he couldn’t cite any references!

I explain all of this in order to tell you he still grew up to be a great guy! He is kind, resourceful, smart, funny, and a loyal friend. People like him. He isn’t a doctor or a rocket scientist or president, but I’m still proud of him. Perhaps he didn’t live up to his potential. But I don’t know what his potential was, or is. He is still young and has a lot of living to do. Who am I to say that this isn’t the exact path that God intended for him? Did I live up to my potential?

In high school I was voted the most likely to write the “great American novel”. Perhaps I still will, but I certainly expected to do it before now. I also expected to go directly from high school to college to teaching. Had I done so I would have taught high school English. Would that have been the best path for me? Apparently not, because God sent me on a detour.

I write and talk often about life being a journey. I don’t understand why people, especially women, assume they should have so much control over their own trip. Shoulda, coulda, woulda seems to be the constant mantra of women, as though we can really choose our own path. Actually we only choose one step at a time. And we really don’t know where that step will lead!!

Potential- I guess it comes from the knowledge of our “free will”- the idea that we can set up a life plan and stick with it until we reach some future goal of wonderfulness. But if you really examine “free will” it usually involves choosing between “a” and “b” or “x” and “y”, NOT “a through z”. We are born into circumstances beyond our control, with genes that cannot be changed, to parents we don’t choose. We are immediately set on a path unknown toward a goal unknown. I’m still not sure what my potential is or if I’ve reached it. But I’m certainly enjoying the journey and I wouldn’t change any of the detours  that led to here.

Going to extremes....

I haven’t lost or gained any weight this week, but I feel like I have accomplished my goal of replacing some of my bad habits with good ones. I haven’t had any sodas, nor have I wanted one. We went to a Mexican restaurant for my birthday and I didn’t eat half the basket of chips. In fact, I ate about a third of what I would normally have eaten. Last night Gary and I split a pork chop for dinner, and had steamed carrots, salad, and a small baked potato with it.

This week my goal is to improve my lunch. I usually eat a peanut butter sandwich plus a carton of yogurt. It is easy to eat at my desk and not too messy. (I have a refrigerator in my room.) Not a bad lunch, but it gets boring. I don’t eat with my children because 1. They eat at 10:50. Too early. 2. They are so messy and loud and demanding of my attention that it doesn’t create a pleasant atmosphere. 3. I haven’t eaten school cafeteria food since the day I graduated from college!

So I continue to make little changes while some of my colleagues on pills and liquid diets show off their new bodies. Moderation is a difficult path.

Remember those potato chip commercials? “Betcha can’t eat just one!”

And of course we couldn’t.

We don’t want to eat just one. We don’t want to eat a little. We want “all or nothing”. We actually want to eat anything and everything and then take a pill that makes it all vanish. But sometimes eating nothing is just as appealing because the structure of extreme diets is actually easier to live with, at least for a short time, than moderate changes.

Diets, eating plans, food lifestyles, and such have been around forever. Trends come and go.  The more sensible and moderate they are the less likely people are to get excited about them or to follow them. I’ve actually listened to women offer me more ways to “cheat” on WW than tips on how to follow the plan! Americans, women in particular, seem to favor extreme diets. We crave flashy ideas and quick results. My grandmother and I tried a liquid diet for a while. My mother loved the grapefruit diet. My aunt tried some trendy new diet and ended up in the hospital. Everyone I know has been a vegetarian for at least a month. My best friend went on a protein shake diet and ended up having gallbladder surgery. Some friends follow every movie star diet that comes along. Extreme diets are cool! We want to talk about them, even debate them. We want to be noticed and we want other people to know we are really serious about our health.

Ironic that most of the people I know who are on limited diets because of actual life-threatening conditions rarely discuss them unless explaining why they can’t eat something you’ve offered.  Diabetics and those who must eat gluten-free or nut-free or seafood-free diets don’t go around trying to convert everyone to their lifestyle. They just eat what they have to eat to survive.

On the other hand, vegans, fruitarians, and promoters of liquid, “clean”, “whole”, and “raw” foods take a more evangelistic approach, often to the extent of putting down those of us who eat more variety. One of the most recently promoted eating lifestyles is the “calorie restriction plan” which is supposed to extend your life expectancy. People on this diet eat far less than the recommended calories for their size and also tend to eat organic or raw foods. They believe that living on the verge of starvation is the key to a long life. However, I’d like to think that a more balanced goal would be to live a better life.

I’ve always been bothered by those who “live to not eat”. They talk about food and cooking and shopping and “not eating” to the extent that their body and their health becomes the entire focus of their life and conversations. Only recently did I discover that this is actually a recognized eating disorder! It’s called Orthorexia Nervosa, a term coined in 1997 by Dr. Steven Bratman. He described the condition as a fixation on “righteous eating”, from the Greek word “ortho” which means “right” or “correct”. People with Orthorexia often become isolated from others and very ritualistic in their eating habits. They equate their self-esteem with the purity of their eating habits.

Dr. Bratman even constructed a self-test to determine if you are suffering from Orthorexia.

“The Orthorexia Self-Test
Bratman offers these 10 signs of Orthorexia from his book, "Health Food Junkies -- Orthorexia Nervosa: Overcoming the Obsession with Healthful Eating." You could have Orthorexia, or be on the way to developing it, if you:

1. Spend more than three hours a day thinking of food.
2. Plan your day's menu more than 24 hours ahead of time.
3. Take more pleasure from the "virtuous" aspect of your food than from actually eating it.
4. Find your quality of life decreasing as the "quality" of your food increases.
5. Are increasingly rigid and self-critical about your eating.
6. Base your self-esteem on eating "healthy" foods, and have a lower opinion of people who do not.
7. Eat "correct" foods to the avoidance of all those that you've always enjoyed.
8. Increasingly limit what you can eat, saying that you dine "correctly" only at home, spending less and less time with friends and family.
9. Feel guilt or self-loathing when you eat "incorrect" foods.
10. Derive a sense of self-control from eating "properly."

If you selected more than four of these signs, you may need to assess whether your behaviors and attitudes toward food are balanced. If all of the signs resonated with you, you are engulfed in this obsessive (and potentially fatal) form of eating. Seek help today!”

I don’t think extreme dieting is the answer for a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

Moderation is the key.

It’s a difficult path, but it seems to be the only one that makes sense.

Have a great day! And send me some lunch ideas. Today I’m adding a couple of carrot sticks and grape tomatoes.

 

My Best Birthday Present Ever

 

Today is my oldest brother’s birthday. When he arrived I thought he was going to be my “best birthday present ever: a sister”.  But my hopes and plans were shattered when Mom and Dad announced that he was a boy. No tea parties. No dress up fun. No giggly secrets. David Lee would definitely not be fulfilling the role I had imagined for my darling new sibling.  

He was however, very much like a big doll at first. I remember getting scolded for stretching my arms between the slats of his crib and lifting him up. I just wanted to see how heavy he was! He didn’t even cry! After Mom got over her first few weeks of protectiveness I was allowed to hold him, under close supervision, and even learned to change his diapers- a huge mistake in retrospect. Once a skill is learned it can’t be unlearned and I went on to change many more diapers than I cared to, especially after the third brother arrived!

David was a daredevil child. Even as a toddler he was always getting into something on the farm. He fell into an irrigation vat and was barely saved from drowning when Dad grabbed his diaper and pulled him out. He was always trying to ride my tricycle or the dog or anything else that moved, which resulted in numerous bumps and bruises. He ran and fell into a brush fire and badly burned both hands. He fell into a rose bush and got a thorn stuck in the top of his foot. During a fishing trip he fell into the water and nearly drowned again. Dad had a tough time finding him in the murky water of the river. We were picking grapes one summer and he stuck his hand into a wasp’s nest.

While not quite as companionable as a girl might have been, David was a pretty good kid to have around. He was smart, funny, and strong. Even though he was four years younger, he could usually keep up with me no matter what we were doing. As we grew older he became more confident in his “obvious superiority” and was a pain in the neck, especially when reinforcements arrived- Dan in 1957 and James in 1958. They played Army and I was “captured, killed or left behind”. They played cowboys and Indians and I was “captured, killed, or thrown off a cliff”. They played sports with the local kids and I was the last chosen for their team! They played “let’s see who can take the hardest hit in the stomach” and I was always the first to hit the ground in tears. What a dumb kid!

David was better at board games. David was better at math. One year he even convinced me that he could “see colors” with his fingertips. He covered his eyes with a bandana and then told me the colors of objects by touching them. I’m not sure what he really did, but for a while I was so gullible. I retaliated by nick-naming him “Do Do Bird”.

David was always good at solving problems and building things. We created lots of forts, playhouses, tree houses, and even a 4’x6’ swimming pool. We put a plastic tarp in our pool and we were so proud of ourselves for being able to get wet and cool! He also liked to take things apart, although he couldn’t always return them to their original condition.

David and I worked the fields together and were often left alone to tend irrigation ditches or chop cotton. We made up stories and talked about books we had read and imagined what we would do with a $1,000. We could create some pretty elaborate scenarios! 

 

Over the years we drifted apart. The boys became closer to each other and I became closer to Mom. David made some choices and traveled some paths that I just couldn’t follow. I got married and moved away. We kept in touch, but weren’t always comfortable with the differences in our lifestyles. Now in our old age we have once again become friends. We still don’t agree on everything, but we commiserate with each other about our health, share our concerns about our children and our grandchildren, and remember the good times of our childhood. He is still smart, funny, and strong.

 

He really did turn out to be my best birthday present ever!

Happy Birthday David!

Happy, Happy to Me!

So many great surprises. So many photos. So many options. Off to a great start this morning!

Of course Gary was the first to wish me a happy birthday with a new bird book and a Lowe’s gift card for my spring planting. He knows me so well, and knows I’m holding my breath until the department gets their first shipment of spring plants. He has to work today, but we are going to Chili’s tonight.

I plan to get a haircut this morning, and then I’m going to lunch with Robert. After that I will do a little shopping.

One of my students gave me a sweet card yesterday. And of course our celebration was a valentine/birthday party. We have three birthdays in our room this month and several moms, dads, brothers, and sisters have had birthdays, too. One of the moms who helped with our party was celebrating her birthday! The kids were great with their sundaes.

 

Along with some “60” theme party supplies and some serious expressions of birthday joy, Karen sent this little reminder that I’m now officially old. It is proudly displayed on my dresser where I can see it in the morning as I’m struggling to drag out of bed. Lol

My precious Utah family sent a wonderful birthday box that included this new member of the Maurer elephant family.  I love her little chaise!

I promised to post some of my future plans this morning so here are ten things on my “bucket list” today:

1.    I want to be in a movie. I’m not crazy! I can walk through the background, stand in a crowd, or be someone’s ugly mute grandmother. I just want to be in on the process of making a movie. A western would be the best!

2.    I want to write a children’s book. I have attempted a few, but never been satisfied with the end result. I know there is a good one inside my head somewhere.

3.    I want to complete my USA list and visit Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Massachusetts, Maine, Florida, South Carolina, Delaware, Alaska, and Hawaii. (Yes, I was wrong yesterday when I said 38 states! It was early and I’m old! Found my list. I have been to 36 states.)

4.    I want to see my grandchildren graduate from college.

5.    I want to take painting lessons and spend part of my retirement years with a brush in my hand.

6.    I want to visit Monticello.

7.    I want to write four more books about Caddo.

8.    I want to see Yellowstone National Park.

9.    I want to celebrate my 50^th wedding anniversary with Gary and all of my children and grandchildren. (Start planning girls!)

10.   I want to walk in my garden on my 90^th birthday!

 

This is already a crazy, mixed up post, so I’m going to end it with a tribute to the generations of  women who made it possible for me to have a 60^th birthday! My thanks to Margie Colleen Springer, Della Mae Banta, Beatrice Alexander, Mary Lettie Coker, Caroline Robinson, Edna Chapman Carlton, Clara Agnes Anderson, Sarah Lou Felmet, Lumiza Patterson, Rhoda Priscilla Whitworth, Mary Martha Maddox, Jane Jackson, Susan Winneford, Margaret Sharp, Matilda Nelson, Preshus M. Carter, Elizabeth C. Fullerton, Margaret Wyatt, Sara Jane Blair, Hinda Mack, Anna Smith, Susannah Patrick, Martha Ann Hicks, Elizabeth Claybrook,  Matilda York, Sarah Ann Harlan, Elizabeth Belew, Rebecca Collins, Mary Ball, Mary DeMott, Antie Demarest, Geertruy Terhune, Wyntie Brickers, Eliza Barker, Abiah Hopkins, Peace Scott, Nancy Hill, Sarah Johnson, Nancy Ann Ratliff, Lettice Adeline Fields, Mary Claiborne, Mary Winston, Maria Bishop, Anica Walraven, B.J. Baltzarsdotter, Elsie Wehrhahn, Elizabeth Walraven, Angenitie Hellings, Sitske Dirksdr, Reytske Sickedr, Grietja Samuels, and the many female ancestors I have yet to discover! And can you tell by this list that my mother chose the right name for me?

Have a great day! I will!

 

Almost 60

I’ve always said that experience is the best teacher, the best possession, and the best memory you can have. So on this last day of my fifties I thought I would try to list some of the experiences that have contributed to my life. And tomorrow I will list a few of the things I’d like to do before I live to see 90.

In no particular order:

I have had the friendship of farmers, executives, convicts, musicians, waitresses, race car drivers, authors, teachers, garbage men and everything in between. I’ve worked with people of every race, creed, and religion you can imagine. I’ve met some famous and infamous people. I can’t say that I’ve ever met a person, good or bad, who didn’t contribute to my life in some way.

I’ve had the love and support of a man who really knows me, and stays with me anyway.

I have slept in a luxury hotel suite, a three-story farm house, a van, a tent, a truck, an abandoned saloon, a flea-bag motel, a motor home, and on the side of a rocky mountain. I’ve owned a home and been evicted from an apartment.

I’ve survived seven major surgeries, four car accidents, a half dozen minor accidents, three falls from horses,  six broken bones, four falls off my own two feet, two major illnesses, two gun accidents, three major cuts, numerous beatings, and the birth of three children.

I’ve won money and a few moments of fame. I’ve had my work published in dozens of magazines and newspapers, and a few books.

I’ve raised three wonderful children who have given me joy, pride, and gray hair.

I’ve been on television. I’ve sung on a stage. I’ve given a public speech. I’ve been a hair model. I’ve worked behind the scenes at a fashion show. I’ve hosted an autograph party…for someone else.

I’ve lost at love and failed in school. I’ve also been a happy bride and valedictorian.

I’ve lived long enough to know the joy of being a grandmother.

I’ve been drunk, but never high. I’ve smoked a cigarette, but didn’t like it.

I’ve held a 1 and ½ pound infant in my hand and watched a stranger die.

I have eaten caviar, escargot, pig brains, lobster, squirrel, rabbit, goose, dove, grits, and alligator.

I’ve tried painting, sewing, wood carving, photography, macramé, knitting, calligraphy, crocheting, quilting, pottery making, and gardening. Gardening suits me best.

I’ve been arrested, but never in jail.

I’ve been the boss and I’ve been fired.

I’ve been loved, hated, lied to, cheated on, beaten, and stalked.

I’ve traveled by bicycle, car, bus, truck, airplane, sailboat, train, glass bottom boat, tractor, and motorcycle. I’ve been in a submarine and in the cargo hold of a schooner. I’ve been in a tunnel under the ocean and a ski lift on a mountain top. I once rode a bicycle six miles, without brakes.

I’ve visited numerous jails and two major prisons.

I’ve been bitten by a dog, a chicken, a swan, a hamster, and a child.

I’ve climbed to 11,200 feet on top of a mountain and been deep inside a bat-filled cave inside a mountain.

I’ve been lost, trapped in an elevator, and locked in a refrigerator. I’ve hidden in a closet and been smuggled out of town.

I’ve saved a child’s life.

I’ve raised cats, dogs, chickens, hamsters, rabbits, doves, fish, geese, pigs, sheep, parakeets, and children. Cats are the easiest.

I’ve been unemployed and on welfare and had some great jobs. I’ve been a secretary, salesperson, nanny, housekeeper, teacher, custodian, editor, typesetter, writer, proofreader, EKG technician, paste-up artist, costume designer, field hand, and waitress.

I’ve worn a mink coat and spiked heels, and a torn t-shirt and hiking boots. I once wore a top made from two handkerchiefs- it was the sixties.

I have traveled to 38 states and two other countries.

I’ve attended enough weddings to have hope and enough funerals to have faith.

I’ve picked cotton, cut grapes, packed peaches, sorted olives, dug potatoes, picked oranges, chopped cotton, pruned grape vines, and planted acres of tomatoes.

I’ve played basketball, volley ball, and softball rather badly. I’ve tried snow skiing, running, water skiing, hiking, bicycling, yoga, swimming, bowling, ballroom dancing, and skating. I am not coordinated enough for any of them.

I’ve changed the water pump on a washing machine and a flat tire on a car.

I’ve driven from California to Oklahoma with three children, three cats, and a dog.

I’ve moved 51 times.

I’ve done a few things I can’t remember, I few things I don’t want to remember, and a few things you don’t want to know about.