The View from Here

Little stuff

Okay, I'm blaming the eclipse. Whatever. Sunday afternoon our dryer quit. The internet/satellite has been having fits all week and only works properly at 5am or earlier. Then the control for our electric blanket overheated. The oscillating fan in our bedroom quit last night. I'm afraid to flip a switch!!

On top of those little annoyances, my knee has been hurting all week. Didn't I say "this too..." :)

At least I'm beginning to see some signs of spring. There are little daffodil buds everywhere. The trees are showing some color. Grass is returning to the pasture. The geese are flying. I'm ready to dig in the dirt. I got out "before" and "after" photos of my old garden just to remind me of the long process. I think this new place has a lot of potential. And if the weather cooperates I'm going to start digging this weekend!

I've had some wonderful emails this week. Because of privacy issues I can't divulge a couple of them, but I just want to thank the kind "strangers" who have added so much to my research and been so willing to share their lives, despite some pain and frustrations. We are all in this together, and this week I've really seen the ripple effect of doing the right thing.

Not much time this morning. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Vile and Opprobrious

I’ve been doing some research this week that necessitated perusing the microfilmed records of several divorces of the early 1900’s. To say that it has been interesting would be a gross understatement. I’ve enjoyed it almost as much as eating chocolate! Not only have I found some names and dates and details I needed about the people, but I’ve found a wealth of information about the time period itself. What struck me most was the language of the papers. I actually had to drag my dictionary off the shelf to look up a few words.

I’ve read before that our language has been “dumbed down” for years. Most of the media doesn’t use big words anymore because we simply don’t know what they mean. The average newspaper is written at an eighth grade level. I think some magazines aim for fifth grade! Our language has also become more blunt and tactless. I saw a headline on a woman’s magazine yesterday, in front of the register, that I won’t even dignify by repeating. And cursing? Cursing is absolutely rampant. My own children use words I would never think of using. (They didn’t hear them at home!) I can’t remember my father cursing very much. My grandfather did when he was drunk. However, many of my kindergartners, here and at previous schools, have literally “heard it all”. They can use words that I honestly didn’t even hear until I was an adult. What has happened to us?

The divorce papers I’ve been reading accuse the defendant of abusing his wife with “vile and opprobrious” epithets. Opprobrious comes from opprobrium: 1. something that brings disgrace 2. public disgrace or ill fame that follows from conduct considered grossly  wrong or vicious. That’s what I love about language! If you study it and use it effectively you can choose a specific word that means exactly what you want to convey. Opprobrious is so much more descriptive than “bad” or even “inappropriate”, which is probably what today’s version would say.

The plaintiff speaks of  “mental humiliation” caused by being cursed, both in private and in public. It seems amusing to read about cursing as a reason for a divorce, but it is the identity of  the speaker of vile words that causes us pain, not the words themselves. Some stranger off the street can call me something opprobrious and I’ll  be a little angry about being unjustly labeled by an idiot. However, let some member of the family do it and I’ll be heartbroken. We want those we love to treat us with respect.

That is the tragedy of the decline of our language. What we say in public eventually affects what we say at home. The words we use at home ultimately affect those we use in public. Our public and private vocabulary can merge into something new, and not necessarily better. Along with the lack of specific words comes a bland disregard for true meaning. And with casual cursing comes a lack of respect for others. We lower our language skills to the level used by the least educated and least respectful. We settle for gray and insipid and stupid, when what we need is vivid and original and clever. Our level of language affects our level of understanding and empathy because our communication lacks specificity.

I’m just as guilty of this as the next person. My usually mode of communication is probably at the level of “chit chat”. Perhaps that’s why I enjoy this blog so much. It gives me the opportunity to focus my thoughts and occasionally aim for profound instead of mundane. I don’t often achieve that goal, but at least I get a chance to try.

Have a serendipitous day!

Note: There is also a typo in the divorce papers- at least I assume it is- that is ironic. It says “although he had abundant means and was able to provide her a comfortable home, he then neglected and refused to furnish her with a home in which to love…”

Happy Birthday again!

I neglected to wish my cousin Billy a Happy Birthday!! Her birthday was also yesterday and she is 73. Still working and living a busy life! Hope you have a great day Billy!

Today is my little brother's birthday. He was supposed to be my "best present ever", until I found out he wasn't a girl!! LOL But it's been great to have four brothers and David is also a good friend. We are closer in age than the others and had a lot of shared experiences. So Happy Birthday David!

Happy Birthday!

To me! I'm 58 today and proud to be walking, thinking, and going to work. There are alternatives that I don't think I would enjoy as much! LOL Anyway, in honor of my mother, who bore the pain of delivering an eleven-pound baby into the world, I'm simply posting some of my favorite pictures of us together. I may have posted some before, but, hey, it's my birthday. I can do what I want!

This too shall pass...

We are creatures of such limited patience. It's sad, really, to think of how easily we are upset by things that are beyond our control. We know our limitations, and yet we fight against them. There is a two-year-old within each of us, ready to have a tantrum when things don't go our way. I pondered this as I sipped coffee and watched the ducks glide gracefully across the pond this morning. Yesterday it was an entirely different scene. Rain was pelting everything. The wind was blowing furiously. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. And I spent the day wishing my internet would work, hoping it would work, willing it to work.

Gary had to work yesterday. Robert is spending the weekend with friends. I had the house to myself and I set out a pile of computer work to finish. Even though we have two computers, time on the net is limited by my work on other things and my capacity to share time with my guys. So you can imagine my frustration when that annoying message kept popping up to tell me that the connection was lost. Those are the times when I curse satellites!

I don't know why I didn't just put my work away and wait until today. The power even went off- twice. That should have been a hint. Instead, I worked on a puzzle, and checked the connection. Read some of my mystery novel, and checked the connection. Did some laundry, and checked the connection. Ad nauseam. Yes, I managed to pop out a couple of emails and write part of a blog that wasn't worth posting. I even looked at a couple of old newspaper articles. But the connection would always fail in the middle of the next page or the next site and then I'd grumble and go back to doing something else. I gave myself a headache.

Why didn't I just leave it alone? Why didn't I just tell myself that the storm would pass and I'd get it done later? Because I'm stubborn. Because I'm overly optimistic. Because I'm human and we just don't operate that way. God knew what he was doing when he left us an instruction book. He knew we would be forgetful and easily frustrated. He knew we would need guidance once in a while- like every hour or so.

Back to the basics. Back to understanding that the storms of life pass. For everything we wish to do there is a time to do it that is suitable for our purpose- and sometimes that isn't the time we planned. I've accomplished more this morning in one hour than I did all day yesterday. That should be a lesson- maybe one that I'll remember next time. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Kiss your sweetheart! Buy yourself some chocolate! Do something that makes you smile! I'm off to celebrate with eighteen excited kindergartners. I'm even going to contribute to the madness by feeding them cookies and chocolate. LOL Oh well, we'll have fun...

My Car Guy

My car made a strange noise just before I parked it in the driveway Friday. I was tired and didn't think much about it. I wasn't even certain I had really heard a noise. However, when I attempted to drive it later that night I heard a definite squeal from the front left wheel. It sounded serious enough for us to switch cars and drive the other one to dinner.

Robert had to work Saturday, but he assured me that he would take a look at the car today...which he did. However, when he attempted to take off the tire it wouldn't budge. He tried several tactics, but the tire stayed on the car! Robert is a big, strong guy, so when he says something won't move, trust me, it won't. I was really concerned, but being the computer whiz that he is, he turned to the internet for help. Sure enough, there was a site that advised us to drive the car- with the lug nuts loosened- slowly forward a few feet, and then slowly back. When I did so I heard a "pop". Robert jacked the car up again, took off the lug nuts, and pulled the tire free! 

Once the tire was off Robert discovered a tiny rock wedged where it didn't belong. He could tell me where, but I'd have to ask him, and then he'd know I was writing about him, and then...well you know how he hates that. LOL Anyway, problem solved, thanks to my car guy and the magic of the internet. There are times when I find both truly amazing! 

(And in case you're wondering, Gary, my old car guy, was there to give advice, but he's been having painful problems with his hand.) 

Robert has been our little car guy since the day he was born. This is a photo of him in our friend's race car at 2 months, and with us a little later at his first major race. For more race photos go to Zoom, Zoom, Zoom where I've posted more photos from our car days.

Change

House is one of my favorite shows. It’s difficult to explain why I love the grumpy, irreverent, pill-popping doctor who drives everyone crazy by breaking all the rules and ignoring political correctness in order to save his patients. It’s a quirky show and sometimes I’m just in the mood for “quirky”, especially well-written quirkiness. Anyway, two of House’s most infamous sayings are “everybody lies”, and  “people don’t change”. I won’t argue with the first one, but I’m hoping he’s wrong about the second. I’m hoping people can change, because I want to change, and I think I have changed over the years.

Perhaps House doesn’t believe that the basic nature of a person can change. Or maybe he believes that  people don’t change anymore once they reach a certain age. I haven’t heard him get very specific about his theory. But I’m hoping he’ll admit one day that he’s wrong. Because without the possibility of change, we don’t have much hope.

Christianity is based on the premise, the promise of change. Christ says that you have the ability to change your life and your lifestyle if you will trust him. I’ve seen the evidence of changed lives. I’ve known people who have left behind lives of self-destruction and walked down a new, more productive path. I don’t know if those people were in torment each day- struggling between their old and new nature- or if they finally just accepted and adapted to the new without giving any more thought to the old. I never thought to ask them. I just tried to love and accept them for who they were with me.

Most of us think of change that way- big, bold steps. We love to hear the stories of people who have given up drugs, or alcohol. We love to see “before” pictures of people who have lost 100 pounds. Some of you (not me!) like to see those plastic surgery shows. But let’s face it. The little changes are often the most lasting and can be just as surprising over time. That’s the way most of us really change. We change one tiny step at a time until in ten years we are completely different. And by then we are so settled into the changed behavior that we don’t give it any thought until a photo or a memory or a person calls it to our attention.

I thought about this because I have been looking at those crazy slides from the seventies again. Many of the things about my appearance and my lifestyle have changed in small increments. I didn’t get up one morning and decide that I would never wear makeup again. I just started wearing less and less and less, until over a period of about five years I just stopped completely. That’s the way many lasting changes are made. And I think that idea should give people hope. Certainly there are some things that can and should be stopped “cold turkey” as we call it. But there are other things that we can change in tiny, tiny steps and still be confident that the end result will be pleasing. I think the media gives us the impression that if we don’t lose twenty pounds this month or go to the gym four times a week or stop smoking tomorrow, something is wrong with us. I enjoy watching “Biggest Loser”, but I don’t want to be in pain twenty-four hours a day in order to lose weight. I don’t smoke, but I know people who do, and some of them are so anxious about the very idea of abruptly quitting that they won’t even consider it. How about if we all just give up 100 calories or walk one extra block or smoke one less cigarette tomorrow, and then do it again the next day? We can handle that. People can change, but maybe they don’t do it very often because they are just too overwhelmed by the idea of making a BIG change.

Before I quit rambling for today I want to remind some of you of one of the biggest changes I made in my life, because I hope it might be an inspiration for some of you. And before you start saying, “Wait a minute, weren’t we talking about making small changes?” I will say to you that this BIG change was tackled in small manageable steps over several years. I did it and you can too: I went back to college. I got my degree when I was 48 and it has changed my life in dozens of ways. If you want to have a better career or you’ve just always had the desire to finish school or learn something new, do it. Do not let your age be a factor. Do not try and figure out what you will do when you finish. If you want to go to college and you can figure out how to do it financially, then just do it. I hope that someday I will be writing about getting my doctorate. I may be seventy when it happens, but if I’ll be seventy anyway, then why not???

I still love House, but I disagree with him. People do change. They change every day.

Gardening Weather

It was warm and sunny today so I dug in the dirt. I worked downtown for a little while and then I did a little cleanup project in the yard. I can barely wait for the real gardening to begin! I have plans for a strawberry bed. I want to plant more vegetables this year. Of course I always have more plans than time and money and strength, but that’s what keeps me going.

Speaking of plans, I spent part of the weekend working on a grant proposal for our downtown community building. It’s an old WPA building, the only building in Caddo on the National Registry of Historic Places, and badly in need of landscaping. I’m on the Beautification and Preservation committee of TRAC and we want to put in some low-maintenance perennials, a small tree for shade and color, and a seating area with a birth bath. It’s a project that we will eventually be able to do in phases with donations, but a grant would enable us to do it all at once and have it completed before the alumni banquet in the fall.

I did some cleaning in the long flowerbed downtown. The tulips and daffodils are peeking out of the ground so I thought I’d better trim some of the dead sage and other brown stuff. I haven’t seen any poppies yet, but I know they will sprout soon.

Gardening always leaves me feeling better. I belong outside. I need to dig in the dirt. The long winter days of cold weather and darkness go against my nature! LOL Robert always says that we need to move to Florida or Arizona. But I like the unpredictable weather of Oklahoma. I like going barefoot on the third day of February, even though I know I can’t safely pack my coat away until May. I know the groundhog saw his shadow, but spring is near…I can feel it.

I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but we’re getting new siding on the house. I’m very excited about it. The guys are making repairs as they go along, and adding new boards here and there before they cover the whole thing up with the siding. The warm weather lets them work faster and more efficiently so they are probably as happy about the changes in the weather as I am. And I think the siding is going to look great!

February is always a good month for another reason. It’s birthday month!! My good friend Marilyn celebrated her birthday on Friday. I have several dear friends with February birthdays. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and so is my oldest brother’s. Five of my students have birthdays this month. Let the parties begin!

Robert has been teaching me how to use a couple of search features that I won’t try to explain, because I’m sure something would be lost in the translation. However, the result is that I have found six more genealogy sites thanks to him!! And one of them seems like it is going to be very useful. I’m constantly amazed by what is available on the internet IF you know how to search for it.

I’m in the process (tonight) of posting a new adventure to Stories Too Long. I know. I know. It has been so long since I’ve used the site that you don’t care. Okay. But you might want to peek. Just in case it’s something good… Later

I can see clearly!

I'm going to give you some good advice today!! Get your eyes checked. Despite a family history of glaucoma and a sibling with macular degeneration, I have put off going to the eye doctor for five years. I know, I know. It's just one of those things I don't think about doing because I can see clearly. My eyesight has changed very little over the years. However, during a recent routine check-up my regular physician surprised me by asking how long it had been since my last eye exam. When I replied "Five years", he said, "Not the answer I want to hear. Go. Go now." As he explained to me in greater detail about the health conditions that can be detected by regular eye exams, I realized that sight is just one indicator of good eye health. So I made an appointment, which I kept today.

Thankfully I still have healthy eyes, but a slight pressure change indicates that glaucoma may well be in my genes as well as my future. I've agreed to a prevention plan that includes a comprehensive exam and another pressure test in six months. And my doctor has assured me that I will not lose much of my eyesight as my grandmother did. Early detection has made the treatment of glaucoma much more successful. We are blessed to have so many more options than our ancestors did, and yet we don't always take advantage of them. I thought of Mama and how much she endured because of her failing eyesight. And I vowed to take better care of myself. Laziness is not an excuse!

I hope it has not been five years since your last eye exam. If it has...go...go now.