The View from Here

Searching for the Dead

Genealogy is a strange hobby. Those of us who spend our time searching for the dead are part detective, part peeping Tom, and a whole lot of stubborn. It takes time, patience, knowledge, and just plain luck to find information about the lives of ordinary people. Most of them lived, loved, and died out of the spotlight. Most didn’t get fifteen minutes or even fifteen seconds of fame. If we are lucky, a few were mentioned in the “locals” section of the paper. We get to find out when they visited their mother or attended a funeral or graduated from high school. Otherwise their lives, and our knowledge of them, is based on a birth certificate, census records, marriage license, death certificate, and school or military records. If we are really, really fortunate there might be a family Bible, will, diary, letters, or a photo album. The rest is filled in with family stories and gossip.

Each person has their own reasons for searching the past. Some do it for religious reasons. Others have burning questions that need answers. Some just do it out of curiosity. Some do it for financial benefit. Then there are those who have no intention of doing this and just get “hooked” by finding one little piece of information. I’ve heard so many people say, “Well I got started in this stuff just because we wanted to find out if Edward was really our cousin.” or “We met cousin Fred at a reunion and he said Floyd was Aunt Nelda’s first husband and I just knew that wasn’t right.”

There are different kinds of genealogists and different levels of devotion to the work. Searching for the dead can be a very personal, private thing, or it can be a public career. There are professional researchers who work for fees and publish articles. There are magazines and websites and libraries and museums all dedicated to our ancestors. There are books and forms and maps to make it easier. You can dabble at it now and then, or devote your whole life to it.

My own involvement in searching for the dead is a blend of genealogist and true historian. Because of my interest in, or some might say obsession with, the history of Caddo, I’ll  research anyone and everyone who ever lived here. If someone has an interesting story about their ancestors I give it the “30-minute lookup”. If I can find even one bit of fact in thirty minutes, I put it on my master list and keep my eyes open for more. This has led me to some wonderful stories about people and some little-known facts about Caddo. I’ve even made discoveries about my own family and learned some new research techniques. And I’ve branched out into some other areas, like photographing local headstones for family members in other states. (Headstones give birth, death, and sometimes marriage dates.)

Searching for the dead is very rewarding when you learn things about your family that help you understand your own life. Following the writings of my mother, grandmother, and great-grandfather in the pages of the local newspaper has given me insight into my own desire to write. And researching local history explains a lot about how people have coped over the years with fires and floods, wars and depressions. Reading about their lives is comforting. It gives me a sense of community and continuity. My great-grandparents lived here and made a life with their friends and neighbors. They coped and cared, lived and died, here in this place that I call home. It makes me feel that I’ve made a good choice.

Note: Here is a wonderful bit of history/genealogy gleaned from the June 24, 1921 Caddo Herald. Much more interesting than dry facts on a birth certificate. And so much fun to pass on to someone researching their family.  This is why I do what I do.

            “New Garage Owner- There arrived safely at the home of Mr. and Mrs. W.J. Peters Sunday morning a new owner for the Peter’s Garage. It may be some little time before the young man takes charge down town, but he is doing well at his home.”

Mudman

My thanks to Erin for this wonderful photo from her neighborhood in Caddo! Only a child could have this much fun with mud! Genius!

Storm View

Today

      I’ve changed my daily mantra from “I wonder if it will rain.” to “I wonder how much damage today’s rainfall will do”. No one can remember a summer like this one! Each day a new storm comes and with it a new reminder of the power of water. A couple of days ago the roof of the Ben Siegel building, one of Caddo’s historic landmarks, collapsed. Now it is feared that the front will topple as well. Many buildings in Caddo have sustained at least minor damage. Many of the downtown buildings have flat roofs, so more damage may occur in the days to come. It has been raining all day today.

Our own house now has seven leaks. I came home this morning and heard a drip in the office closet. Thanks goodness I heard it!! I was able to move some papers and boxes before they were damaged, but apparently a drip from the ceiling has been leaking for a long time without our knowledge. It finally worked it’s way through the bottom of the overhead cabinet. Thank goodness everything I had in the upper shelf, including my wedding mementos, was in plastic bins and wasn’t harmed. Now the leak will be added to the list for the repairman (who is vacationing in Florida) and a new upper shelf will have to be built.

Our landlord was able to repair part of the road on Saturday. It is so soft and wet that equipment and gravel can’t be brought in until it dries out a little. And the rain keeps coming and washing out portions of our road. Vicious circle!

The lawn will be up to my knees before I get it mowed again. Standing water every day. I managed to mow a little on the sloped side of the lawn Friday, and now I can barely tell the difference between it and the rest of the lawn. My tomatoes have died. Too much rain for them to tolerate.

I did manage to do a couple of errands early this morning. I went to the bank, mailed some bills, and went out to the cemetery to photograph some headstones. One of my projects for the summer is to add some photos to Find A Grave because I found some information about my own family on their site. I thought as long as I live so close to a cemetery the least I can do is take some photos for other researchers. Anyway, I was at the cemetery when the storm hit. I was taking a picture, saw a few drops on the stone, and then “pow”- thunder and a mad dash to my car before the camera, stuffed under my shirt, got wet. I was soaked by the time I made it to the door! Couldn’t see the road by the time I made it to our drive! When I say storm, I mean STORM. That’s what is so strange about all of this. We aren’t getting a few showers each day. We are getting heavy winds and rain. The grill blew over one day! Tree limbs are dropping.

Of course I have to keep our minor worries in perspective. Each day we get news reports from North Texas where families are losing everything. You can be entertained by my silly whining, but pray for them.

Perspective

          Are you impressed to see my new banner?? Don’t be- I couldn’t figure it out so my daughter sent me directions. Funny, this time I didn’t feel stupid or techno-challenged, just grateful that I have brilliant children. J

It’s amazing how our brains work. We can imagine things that make us laugh or cry, celebrate or despair, find hope or worry. In my “weary” blog I tried to make the point that it’s our perception, our attitude that determines how we feel about ourselves. No one has said or done anything lately to try to “bring me down”. I did it on my own, through the power of stress, rain, and a gloomy outlook. I played “what if” and lost…at least for a brief period of time.

That made me think about people who keep a negative mental image all the time. What a sad way to live! Our family has had its share of mental problems, mostly depression, and it has fascinated me for years. I’ve been blessed with an inner strength that I don’t understand, but certainly appreciate, especially as I get older. And I say “blessed” with all humility because I can’t see that it has anything to do with my conscious efforts. I get upset, down, worried, and doubtful, just like anyone else. However, I draw on my past experiences and my faith in God to get back up and stop whining.  And I remember something my grandmother Della told me once when I was sad- “This too shall pass.” That returns to me every time I have a problem!

Unfortunately, Della’s words apply to good things, too. We should remember that our time on earth is short and we need to enjoy the good times, good friends, and good experiences while we have them. My neighbor said he asked himself, “What haven’t I done?” A good question for us all. Ask yourself “What is really important to me NOW while I have the time?” It can be something as simple as telling a friend how much you appreciate them, or taking a class to learn something you always wanted to learn, or something big like adopting a child or changing careers. Whatever it is, do it now, while you can.

Critter note: I spent half an hour this morning drinking coffee and watching a beautiful skunk dig around in the pasture. I assume he was eating grubs and grasshoppers. I’ve seen this skunk, or his twin, once before. His white stripes are so big that most of his body appears white. At first, before I saw his head and tail, I thought he might be an albino. Anyway, he was quite entertaining at 6am. I’ll have to look for him again. 

I’ve posted an album of photos of  our daughter’s visit. (See left column.) We had a great time! 

Banner View

Okay, so I can't figure out how to actually use this, but I thought I could at least show it to you. I told you she does great work!

Weary

I’m tired this morning.

Tired of the rain.

Tired of leaks.

Tired of flooding.

Tired of wondering whether I’ll be able to get out of the driveway.

Tired of this unbelievably slow internet connection.

Tired of “fixing things”. (This morning I discovered a light fixture is dangerously loose. I told my husband I don’t want to be the handyman, I want to call one.)

Tired of being fat.

Tired of being a disappointment to my children.

That last one has been heavy on my mind in recent weeks. My children all think I’m “behind the times”, “technologically challenged”, “old fashioned”, and “Okie” (a term that covers many faults). Add to that the fact that I’m fat and not aging well, I live in an old house that doesn’t even belong to me, I’m a terrible cook, and I have no fashion sense…I’m surprised I even get out of bed in the morning.

When my daughter visited recently, I spend one sleepless night worrying about what a terrible impression we must have made on our grandchildren. I’m sure that in comparison with their other grandparents we seem like aliens. I imagined them wanting to jump back on the plane and head back to the real world! (As the days passed I quit worrying and just concentrated on enjoying their time with me.)

I suppose some of this sounds self-pitying and ridiculous, but I remember my own visits to my parents and grandparents over the years. Only my Grandma Bea, who lived in the same town, seemed like us. Everyone else lived a lifestyle I couldn’t quite understand. Even as an adult I remember being critical of my mother’s house and cooking and clothes. Little did I know that would come back to haunt me in the middle of the night!

I guess most of us don’t think much about how we live our daily lives- the food we eat, the music we listen to, the television shows we watch, the clothes we wear, the friends we have- until someone comes along who sees them in a new light and asks “why?”. We all want to please the ones we love and live up to their expectations of us. However, we have to keep our perspective about the natural differences between generations and between personalities. We can’t change to the point of losing ourselves.

I take comfort in the fact that I eventually learned to appreciate my parents and my grandparents and other “strange” relatives in my life. My mother was intelligent and curious and creative, and she persevered during some extraordinary experiences that might have destroyed other people. I like to think that the distance between us was only in miles. My grandmother Della was a hard-working, funny, kind woman who always knew how to cheer me up and encourage me. I lived far away from her for most of my life, but we still managed to have a strong bond. What held us together was not our differences, but our love.

I have a sign here above my desk that I’m sure you’ve seen. It says “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” I’ve always thought of that in the context of education, but I hope that it is true of my own children and my grandchildren. I hope I have some traits that transcend the petty differences in our daily lives and make a lasting impression on them.

As I write this it is still raining. It has rained for days and days and days. This is a test! And I know that my life is blessed compared to others who have lost loved ones and property and time at work because of the rain. So I’d best quit complaining and get on with my day! That’s the secret…be weary, wallow a little, then get over it and get going. Life is too short to waste in self-doubt and pity.

Some notes before I close:

I posted a story to “Stories Too Long”. (Link on the left.)

I saw a coyote this morning! I was on the front porch and he walked behind the cars. I said to my cat “What’s that?” and the coyote actually stopped and turned to look at me before running off.

My daughter made a beautiful new banner for my blog. She is a “scrap-booking master” and creates some wonderful stuff. Now if I can just figure out how to post it you will eventually get to see it! LOL   

Too Short

Vacations are always too short, but when your grandchildren are with you for only five days, that is really too short! We had a good time and I don’t think they were too traumatized by the critters and the flood and having only two TV channels. Of course they are remarkable children since they take after their Nana. LOL

The flood was a shock. I’ve been in some heavy rain situations before, but goodness! We had rain coming in the windows and under the door. The driveway was nearly washed out. There is standing water everywhere. The boat dock is covered. It was so wet that a snake was trying to find shelter! I watched him cross the lawn and then slither up to the patio and behind some boxes. I figured I’d just leave him alone. Later Gary discovered that he had crawled into a swallow’s nest. Of course I don’t have a photo because my two resident photographers were busy talking and they just knew, just knew he would stay there until the rain let up. Oh well.

Today the sun is out and the birds are singing, but I know a lot of people will spend weeks recovering and cleaning up. And a few families have lost loved ones during the flood. We should all pray for them.

Before I go I want to congratulate my friend Gleny on getting her doctorate. That is quite an accomplishment! We went to a lovely party hosted by her children and I was so happy to be there to help her celebrate.

Family

          Yes, this is how it should be: my child and my grandchildren are napping in the living room after a morning of shopping and eating and sightseeing. I wish that we could do this every year or even twice a year. We have laughed and talked until we are all exhausted. Now we'll rest and do it again!

          Of course a trip from suburban Vermont to country Oklahoma is not without its hazards. I have warned everyone about the snake we found two days ago, the six scorpions we have killed, and the chiggers and other biting critters that are lurking in the tall grass. The kids aren't used to walking around cow patties to get to the car, nor bumping over the pasture to get to the main road. But they've been good-natured about it all. I told them it reminds me of my own childhood when I traveled from CA to visit my grandparents here and was appalled to learn that they didn't have indoor plumbing. LOL

          We'll visit some more and have a Father's Day lunch with my father. I'll post some photos soon.

Stuff and Nonsense

I lead a simple life in the summer. I work in the yard. I research the history of Caddo. I do genealogy research for myself and others. I do a little community service work. I visit with friends and family. I write. And this summer I’m painting and decorating. So when the TV evangelist told me this morning to “turn from my wicked ways” I had to laugh. Yes, I’m a sinner. Yes, I have my moments of stubborn defiance. Yes, I could do better, and be better. But wicked…hardly. I guess after a certain age you just don’t have the energy for “wicked”. Or perhaps it’s a lifestyle you have to cultivate.

One person in the news this week has certainly been cultivating a wicked lifestyle. I won’t mention her name because I don’t want to contribute to the nonsense. But I do want to comment that we are partially to blame for giving her, and others like her, so much attention. One of the things that I’ve realized since I started doing so much genealogy research is that ordinary citizens tend to drift out of history as time goes on. It’s the ones who do something extraordinary, good or bad, who are easy to research because their legacy lives on.

Gary and I went to Caddo’s annual “Nineties Dinner” last night. It’s a tribute to residents who are over ninety years old. There were only two who were able to attend, plus six people who are over eighty. Along with their families and friends they ate a good meal and told stories of Caddo’s “boom days”. I enjoyed listening to them and on the way home I pondered what stories I will tell in my nineties.

Monday…As you can see I didn’t get my blog finished yesterday. The computer or satellite or whatever just wasn’t cooperating. Since we moved we’ve had more computer problems than ever before and I don’t know why. Sometimes everything works just great. Other times I can’t even type a word into Google without feeling like I’m waiting in gridlock traffic. Oh, well…one of those mysteries of life I will ask my son about this weekend.

This is an exciting week for us! Our daughter and grandchildren will be flying in on Thursday. We’ll go meet them at the airport and stop by the huge Stonebriar Centre in Frisco on the way back. I’m good for about one trip every three years, but the kids will enjoy it. We’re also going to a friend’s son’s baseball game Friday, and another friend’s party on Saturday. My father will join us Sunday for lunch. Good times. More visiting and sightseeing on Monday and then the kids return to Vermont on Tuesday. A short visit because of basketball camp and other obligations, but I’ll take whatever we can get.

Nothing profound today, but I’ll leave you with a photo of a headstone. I took this for someone who is researching the family and since there may be others out there who need the information I feel obligated to pass it on. I know I’m always happy to find such things that help my research. This is the grave of Raydene Wilson, from the Bokchito cemetery.