Please be aware that we are forced by circumstances to share a space each week. I would appreciate a little consideration for my rights as a fellow shopper who desires to just make her purchases in peace and harmony.
Please do not be quite so creative with your driving. Going the wrong way between two out-going cars and backing into an open space not only makes you look desperate, but makes me wonder if you have a valid driver’s license.
Please do not wear your pajamas to the store. I know they are comfortable but…
Please do not yell expletives at your spouse, girlfriend, or children as you exit your car. If you are having an argument you don’t need to share it with me.
Please do not leave the house with areas of your body exposed that only your mama or your spouse should see.
Please do not spit on the ground, or throw away your cigarette just before you get to the door.
Please be aware that just because you paid for all those tattoos does not mean I have to see every one of them.
Please do not let your children sample the produce.
Please do not chat on the phone about your BFF’s girlfriend, boyfriend, arrest, or pregnancy while shopping.
Please do not let your phone ring in the bathroom, especially if it plays pigs singing “Wee-wee-wee” all the way home.
Please do not debut your next Halloween costume for my benefit.
Please do not allow your children to run in the store, hide in clothing racks, stand in shopping carts, or climb on the shelves.
Please do not change your mind about your purchases and then leave cold food sitting out on random shelves.
Please do not take a movie out of its package and then leave the empty case in the shoe department. And please do not eat part of a package of ANYTHING and leave it ANYWHERE. We all end up paying for the store’s losses.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.