I became thoroughly involved in a variety of projects today…all needing to be done, all worth time and effort, all satisfying when completed. However, by 3:00 I was chomping at the bit to go outside. The weather was mild, the sun shining, the water on the pond softly swaying in the breeze. So I abandoned my afternoon task and mentally promoted it to #1 on Friday’s list of “things to do”. (Tomorrow I’m shopping with hubby.) I grabbed the camera and hustled out to see what was going on in the real world.
As I wandered around trying to find something to photograph, a thought came into my head and caused me to smile.
“Now I know what I want to be when I grow up.” And what did my shrewd mind imply by that?
I’m happy.
Happy to be me.
Happy to be here.
Happy to be facing a New Year.
I spent decades trying to be someone else. I wanted to be better, thinner, smarter, richer, etc. etc. etc. Each year I made elaborate lists of things I was going to do differently so I would be different and therefore happier. I measured my behaviors and abilities by the standards of those I admired, and usually found myself falling far short of their achievements.
I guess age and experience have changed me. I’m pretty self-satisfied. I still want to be a better person, but there is no desperation in my ambitions, no feeling of failure or inadequacy. I do the best I can, where I am, with what I have…and go on. This is finally where I feel at home mentally, emotionally and physically. Whatever the New Year holds, and whatever happens in the future, I’m grown-up enough to deal with it. Whatever changes I need to make will be made slowly but surely, not all at once on Saturday night.
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