My grandmother was fond of saying, “If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.” I was never quite sure what she meant by that, but it usually cut off my greedy whining, so it served her purpose well. My wishes these days are more likely to refer to actions, rather than things. I often find myself whining to myself, “I wish I had done that differently.” “I wish I had done something about that.” “I wish I had been a better _______ (friend, mother, wife, teacher) today.” The whining in my head never stops!
I try to reply to my whining inner critic that I’m doing the best I can. I try to live my life each day in a manner that I will not later regret. I try to be fair to myself and others. I try to be understanding and kind. I try….but as Yoda said, “There is only do or not do. There is no try.” So as much as I would sometimes like to wish otherwise, there aren’t many fond memories of “tried”, only of did or did not. We seldom recall effort, only results. There aren’t many trophies given out for “played the game”- only for won.
I suppose I am introspective today because of some things that have happened in the last few weeks. I overlooked a couple of things. I was unaware of a friend’s problem because I was so busy fussing over my own. I forgot a birthday. I neglected to do something that I had fully intended to do. Things add up to the point where you have to have a little quiet time for prayer and introspection before going on.
No regrets, just a few wishes…
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