I’ve been up since 4:30, but I’ve been lazy, at least mentally. I typed my Caddo blog, took a shower, started some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, watered the house plants, and fed the birds. But I didn’t write my “view” for today. I couldn’t decide on a topic.
I suppose part of my problem is that I’m already reflecting on the past year and wondering what I will do differently in 2011. My mind is a jumble of guilt, gratitude, and hope.
I feel guilty that I wasn’t more successful with my plans to lose weight this year. I wrote about many health topics that concerned me and I hope some of it was helpful to you. I did make some major changes. I haven’t had a soda since last December. I have reduced the sodium and sugar in my diet. I have decreased my junk food consumption. But obviously I’m still doing something wrong, because I’m still fat.
I feel guilty that I have not graced the doors of the library in six months. I have gone from reading a book a week to reading a book every couple of months…if I’m lucky. How did that happen? I read magazines, I read online articles, but I seldom read a novel. We will soon have a new library building and I need to be a regular visitor again.
I feel guilty that I have not completed several personal goals that I set for myself. I suppose we all do that, but I now wonder if I should add them to this year’s mental list or simply let them go. How long can I fool myself into believing “this year I’ll finally do that”?
I feel very grateful for a hundred blessings I’ve received this year. God is good and I stand amazed in His presence. I end this year healthy and happy and well aware that many others are suffering serious physical, emotional and financial problems. I pray for them and I’m confident they will do the same for me when I need it. I’ve been around long enough to know that there will be sorrow and suffering ahead for me at some time.
My prevailing thoughts this morning are of hope. I hope that 2011 will bring me more opportunities to help people, to overcome my own problems, and to improve my life and the life of my students. But I know that hope is not enough. Time and effort and money and perhaps a little pain and suffering are what we must be willing to expend in order to reach our goals.
As we enjoy the love of family and friends this weekend let us also reflect on 2010, release ourselves from failures and regrets, and prepare for the blessings and opportunities of 2011.