The View from Here

Mother's Birthday

 

I won’t bother to tell you how old mother would have been today because she isn’t here to celebrate the numbers anymore. That should be a reminder to those of us who sometimes moan and groan about getting older. The alternative is forever.  And while we rejoice in the idea of going home to Jesus one day, we are spoiled to the rewards of being here with family and miss those who go before us. I suppose ideally we’d just like to be here until Jesus returns to earth and then all go to heaven together. Doesn’t work that way…

Those of us left behind mourn and grieve and wallow in self pity for a time, and then we move on. Mom has been dead for eleven years and I’ve stopped crying, but I’ll never stop missing her. I can’t work in a profession where there are mothers everywhere, everyday, without thinking about my own.  

I was thinking just last night about some of the things that have changed since Mom’s death. She would not approve of some of the things that have changed in our family. She would hate some of the things that other people are doing. She would be astonished by our progress in some areas, but appalled by the so-called progress in others. Mom had very strong, old-fashioned values. Mom loved modesty, honesty, and kindness. She loved family, children, and education. She wanted everyone to get along and make the world a better place. And she spent years telling people that in her writing.

Mom wasn’t much of a public speaker, but she was never shy behind the typewriter. She told the world about her depression, her family problems, her feelings, and her failings, always with the hope that she would prevent someone else from stumbling along the same path. I can’t tell you the number of people who have sought me out to thank me for mother’s words. She would love that.

I’m privileged to have pages and pages of mother’s words. I have many of her original manuscripts, short stories, newspaper columns, and letters. I even have some letters written to her by friends and family members. She tucked them away in files and folders. She treasured the words of others as much as her own.  

I suppose that the best tribute to someone who has passed on is to try to fulfill their expectations. Mom expected me to be strong, modest, honest, kind, and moral. She expected me to care about people. She expected me to make a difference in the world. She expected me to continue to tell the stories of our family that would help others with their own. I’m trying…

Someday...

 

 I’m going to have time to do all of the things I want to do, plus all of the things I need to do, plus all of the things I’m supposed to do, plus all of the things I should do. Yeah, right! If you are holding your breath waiting …let’s call the doctor right now.

Each year summer draws to a close and I think the cooler weather will bring such renewed energy that I will “catch up” on a dozen things. I forget that the time changes and the early darkness also makes me sleepier. I forget that my list of things to do for school gets longer. I forget that garden chores don’t end. I forget that my library time is limited by the conflict between my schedule and theirs. So I start a list of things I will do during fall break. Then Christmas break… then someday…

I always thought as a child that if I could get to twenty I would have it made. I would be able to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. No more parents to boss me around. No more teachers giving out assignments. No more brothers getting in the way. Little did I know that at twenty I would have a child, an ex-husband, a boss, and a “to do” list that would keep me up most nights until even the witches had turned in.

My someday…when I was free to do anything of my own choosing…must have come and gone so quickly that I didn’t notice, because I sure can’t remember it. Lol

Someday is the magic motivation for so many young people. Someday things will get better. Children will behave. Money will grow on trees. Aches and pains will vanish. Conflicts will resolve. But the older you get, the more elusive “someday” becomes. You wake up one day and realize it doesn’t really matter anymore. If you can just get through today with joy and peace and dignity, someday can take care of itself.

I’ve also realized lately that this is the life of my own choosing. Many of the things I try to accomplish mean very little to anyone else. They are simply the things I want to do. If I also have obligations because of my job, family, community, etc. it is because I made the choice long ago to be a responsible Christian person. I do have other choices. I can just sit down and rest. I can say “no”. I just have to be ready to embrace the consequences. And the truth is that someday I won’t be able, physically or even mentally, to handle some of the things I do now. So I’d better enjoy them while I can!

Have a great day!

Do what you can and don’t get stressed about the rest. You’ll get it done someday.

 

Involved

Deep into a research project and lost track of time this morning, so I will just share the photos from my walk yesterday afternoon.

 

 

 

 

 

So very sad...

 

I feel this morning as though an old friend has died. The news that the restored barracks building at Ft. Washita has burned to the ground breaks my heart. It has stood there since the early seventies and was a landmark for locals and visitors alike. My children played there and imagined the soldiers standing duty. We have taken numerous children there on field trips. Gary and I strolled the grounds just a few weeks ago. The building had recently undergone painting and renovation and was in beautiful shape. So sad. I hope they don’t find that a person was responsible.

I managed to make a few changes in the yard this weekend. Added a few plants and moved a few. I’m one of those gardeners who doesn’t leave a plant for long if it isn’t doing well. Some of the shrubs I planted last year simply got too hot this summer.

There was quite a wind blowing yesterday so I didn’t take very many photos on my Sunday stroll around the yard. I did, however, have some bird companions checking out the downdrafts.

 

 

I’m in the middle of a fascinating research project for my next Caddo book. Just when I think I know a little more about the history of this place, something comes along that just amazes me. Will share later after gathering more facts.

Hope you have a great day!

Changes in the air...

I went to Lowe’s yesterday and bought some plants off the clearance aisle. Of course I told the helpful young woman behind the counter, “don’t tell Gary I was here”, and she not only told him, but told him how much I spent!!  LOL Guess there are no secrets when your husband is known by all.

Anyway, it is finally cool enough to know that major weather changes are right around the corner. And it rained like crazy Friday. So I planted a few things in the downtown planter yesterday and have some shrubs sitting on the patio waiting for a home. Got a half dozen pentas and vincas, plus cabbages, snapdragons, salvias, a pink gaura, a rose glow lantana, a spirea, and a pink delight butterfly bush for the planter. Still need to fill in with a few mums before Saturday.  Bought two asters, two golden barberry, an emerald ‘n gold euonymus, and three midget arborvitae for here. The shrubs were $1.77 each! Lucky me!

I have to tell you that I have a major, major ant hill at one end of the downtown bed and yet I managed to place two new plants near it without getting a single bite. Then I went home and noticed the cows had knocked over the garbage can. Went to put it back up, stepped in an ant hill, and got six bites before I could move. Ant bites drive me crazy!! Made quarter –size hives and I had to take some Benedryl to stop the itching.

Next project will be tulips. I love to tuck them into the ground and wait for spring. Might even throw in a few new daffodils. Can you ever have too many daffodils?

I hope it is cool next weekend for Heritage Day. Always a better turnout, especially of older people, if they need their sweaters. I look forward to seeing old friends who are visiting and family members I never see often enough.

Hope you are enjoying a few changes in your weather!

Sister of my heart.

 

I never had a sister, but if I had to pick one, my cousin Evelyn would certainly fill the bill nicely. She is a kind, hard-working Christian woman who shares not only much of my past, but many of my interests and hobbies. Even though I wasn’t raised here, we visited often enough to have some happy memories of times with her and with her family. I’ve been thinking about our past because Evelyn recently shared some family pictures with me and I sent some to her. The two young women in the first photo are our mothers.

One of my most vivid memories is of us sweeping the concrete slab next to Mama Della’s house. The slab was once the foundation of great-grandma Banta’s home or store, I can’t remember which, but it was our pretend home. We swept the slab and talked about the rooms and took care of our imaginary family. We were both destined to be moms and housewives!

 

We practiced taking care of our dolls, but as oldest daughters we also took care of our real families- our younger brothers and sisters. We spent lots of time lamenting together over the actions of our brothers. Sorry guys, but you were often a pain in the neck, especially when we were asked to “make sure they behave”. Yeah right!

Evelyn was always braver than I was and I’m sure it was her idea to ride Papa’s horse bareback. When we came across the snake in the pasture it certainly wasn’t her fault that I slid off and landed on the ground. Lol She was also a better rider!

Evelyn is a great gardener and has a beautiful yard and pond. She is also a wonderful cook, a talent I didn’t inherit. She is creative and resourceful and I have never met anyone who works any harder than she does.

Over the years we have managed to see each other from time to time, but never often enough to suit me. I’d love to have her right next door instead of living in Caney. But with Facebook and email we can still keep in touch and if we ever stop working so hard maybe we can spend time together as little old ladies.

Love you sis!

Conversations with God

 

 

Yesterday afternoon I did something I rarely do. I came home and then went back into town. And I should tell you that I wasn’t in the greatest of moods. I had just finished sitting through a meeting where my generally positive attitude had taken a profound downward spiral. When I got home I realized that I had neglected to stop in town and get gasoline for my truck. I was so busy trying to figure out what to do about my current dilemma that I just forgot. There were a few rain sprinkles in the air and a chance of much more rain for morning, and I wanted to avoid getting caught in that, so… back to town.

I was deep in thought about my future as I drove and I was almost to town when I noticed a huge rainbow stretched across the highway in front of me and appearing to touch the ground on either side. I just laughed. “Yes, God, I know. You’ll take care of it.”

My life is often like that. I get the least bit worried or depressed about a situation and God steps in for a quick pep talk. Sometimes He speaks to me through a child or a friend, but more often it is through nature. I’m deeply connected to nature, always have been, even as a child. I find great comfort and security in the order of the natural world. You simply can’t study the complexity of the world around us and think that it happened by accident not design.

 

I see a change in my future. I see a curve, maybe even a turn, in the path ahead of me. But it’s going to be a good change. God is already lighting the way.

  

Something to say...

 

  

 

I don’t always awake with ideas for this blog. I’m just not that exciting. So today is just a “this and that” post. And I know that I said I wasn’t going to post about food and nutrition anymore, but let me just state emphatically here, today, that I do not plan to eat any “genetically altered” salmon. I know I’m already ingesting hormones via chicken and beef and milk. If scientists start making giant salmons just because they CAN, then I may well have to eat my words and become a vegan after all. J Hey, I’m a project subject to change!

Speaking of change, yes, finally there is a slight change in the weather to whisper in my ear that fall is indeed around the next weekend…or at least the following one. It won’t be summer forever. So I ordered more propane and have begun to stock up on trash bags and light bulbs and batteries and coffee and all the little things that one doesn’t want to go out into the cold to fetch. I will of course be complaining again as soon as the temperature drops below 75 degrees. I may be tired of summer, but I truly dislike winter.

 

I neglected to mention that I went to our monthly TRAC meeting Monday night. Always good to bring projects to their successful finish! We will be placing plaques on the street lamp poles very soon. We are purchasing a new buffalo statue for the downtown flowerbed. The little buffaloes for the tops of the Buffalo Street signs will be ready soon. And we are in the planning stages of completing the last three blocks of sidewalks along Buffalo. I have not been a very active member this summer, and I enjoyed feeling a little more positive about our projects.

Karen and Taylor called last night to sing “happy birthday” to Gary and the word is that Taylor’s thumb is NOT broken. Yeah! She fell during a volleyball game and badly sprained it. We call that the “Nana gene” in our family. I fell during my very first seventh grade volleyball game and broke my arm, thus ending what might have been a very illustrious and lucrative sports career! Lol I went on to keep score in boys’ basketball because I was too timid to play, even on the girls’ team, and to keep stats in softball because of repeated ankle injuries. I think I did actually play a whole nine weeks of tennis without injury! Of course I belonged to the Junior Nurses League!! I said I was clumsy, not stupid. J

Hope is getting settled into the routines of college life and has even purchased a fish. I suppose that must also be a Nana gene. I don’t think I have lived more than a few months of my entire life without an animal.  There has always been a fish or a bird or a cat to entertain me.

Austin is showing off his skills in football! Certainly a recessive gene somewhere! More likely that he gets his athletic abilities from his dad’s side of the family. Anyway, I wish him a great injury-free season. Don’t forget to study something!

Both Karen and Katrina are far too busy, and Robert is far too restless. Some things don’t change with the seasons. But I think I’ll keep them. I’m proud of my children and hope they are all happy and healthy this week!

 

I offer you photos of my evening’s entertainment from last night. I don’t know why the little sparrow sat around and tolerated the general splashing and fussing of the other birds. Perhaps they were her entertainment as well! Oh, and one of my gardenias bloomed again! A happy surprise in September. Yes, that is a mantis capturing a cicada! I wouldn’t have noticed except that the cicada was making such a strange sound! Probably insect language for “help!” I was about to go into the house when the little butterfly fluttered by…I never know when I should leave the yard. Always something to see…

Enjoy!

 

Happy Birthday!

My best friend is sixty-seven today. Happy birthday honey! Hope I get to blog about many more.

Gary was born in Taft, California. It’s a tiny desert community that very few people have heard of and even fewer have actually seen. He grew up on a ranch in the same general area of the valley that I did. We have a lot in common and some familiar experiences and memories. However, we also have a lot of differences. He is seven years older. His family had money. They owned their ranch. He had a tiny family. He had a step-sister. He was raised by his grandmother and a step-mother. He has always loved fast things- motorcycles, cars, boats, etc. He was in the Navy. So we have always had lots to talk about and compare.

We’ve spent thirty-eight years talking and comparing and sharing experiences. It’s been a roller coaster of highs and lows. We’ve starved and eaten in fine restaurants together. We’ve cried and laughed and prayed together. We’ve each sat anxiously by the hospital bed of the other, Gary more often than me. We’ve worked together, played together, and traveled together. We’ve moved twenty nine times together, in three states. We’ve raised three children and are now the proud grandparents of three more. God has blessed us with some stability and security in our old age and we are grateful and happy.

 

So I celebrate with Gary today and we will do some more celebrating Friday night when he doesn’t have to work. It’s a wonderful thing to be old!

No More

No more Monday blogs about food or exercise or nutrition or whatever. I’m not worthy. This old grandmother has spent nine months trying to change her ways and in some things has succeeded. But the end result is still a fat woman by anyone’s standards. Sure I’ve lost twenty pounds, but no one has noticed. When you lose one or two pounds in a week it isn’t that dramatic. I lost a pound this week. No one cares except me.

I am happy that I have reduced my salt intake. I haven’t had a Coke since last Christmas. I haven’t had a potato chip in six months. I don’t eat white bread or biscuits. I avoid anything with too much sugar. I eat more vegetables and fruit. I read labels. I have changed some of our eating habits as a couple. We eat out about every two months instead of once a week. We avoid fast food places. We eat pizza once a month instead of once a week. We eat salad at least four times a week.  We eat less frozen food.

Most of my thin friends are still eating doughnuts, guzzling diet Dr. Pepper, and eating at McDonald’s. But they are also much younger, much busier with children and activities, and often run or jump or swim or play softball or do something much more strenuous than my gardening and walking. Most of them do not care what they eat as long as they burn more calories than they take in. It’s all in the number on the scale. Nutrition is not an issue.  

I first noticed this phenomenon with my friends in Weight Watchers. One day at lunch they were discussing the “points” of the items on the Taco Bell menu. They went on to figure out the point values of several other food choices that were clearly junk food. I read the labels of several WW frozen meals and noticed that many have far too much salt, but it is only the points that concern members.

I also frequently hear, “I wonder how long I will need to run to burn off a hot fudge sundae (birthday cake, doughnuts, cheeseburger)!  Ha, ha.”

Of course I have one or two friends, and family members, who have gone the other route and are now vegans or raw food only advocates who look down their noses at anyone who consumes real food. They seem to feel that the stranger their food consumption the more special they become. They remind me of parents who tell me their child is “such a picky eater”-as though that was some admirable quality I should certainly notice.

So I guess what I need to do is start running. Of course the fact that I am lucky most days to be able to walk will certainly put a damper on those plans. And my past two attempts to return to the treadmill have resulted in severe plantar faciitis.

Maybe I just need to get my attitude adjusted and eat half of what I’m eating.

I’m in a mood this morning.

Don’t worry…this too shall pass.