The View from Here

Just the Highlights

I have been very busy and now I'm behind. I promise to post details tomorrow, but here are a few highlights of my week so far:

Sales of the book are going well and two libraries have ordered copies.

Katrina- Thank you, thank you!- Homemade sweet potato fries are the BEST!

Karen- Thank you, thank you!- I am in love with Oroweat sandwich thins and may never go back to bread. :)

Testing at school- Good surprises! My children are making progress!

Quote of the week: "Mrs. Maurer if you need help with these kids you can call my Mom. She's a great teacher. She's way smarter than you." LOL

Disappointment

I often find it difficult to understand other people. I guess it is because I expect them to act as I would act, to think as I would think, and to feel the way I would feel. Then I am disappointed when they don’t respond with what I perceive as logical, intelligent or moral actions.  When I was younger I hoped to change other people and make them see the dangers of their stupid or evil ways. I was most adamant about changing my brothers, then a few friends, my first husband, my uncle. I soon learned that I can’t change anyone except me.

These days my only hope is to influence a few people. Perhaps I can lead by example. Perhaps I can do a few things that other people will want to emulate. Perhaps I can offer a little guidance when it is solicited. But most of the people I know and love have to make their own mistakes and suffer their own consequences, even if they are on the wrong path. I can’t do it for them.

I walk a fine line as a teacher. Most of my parents are young enough to be my children, but I am NOT their mother. So I give academic advice and offer my professional opinion about their child’s progress in school. I say the things I’m expected to say. But I have to bite my tongue sometimes because what I want to tell them is that they are making some terrible mistakes as parents. I’m often aware of the mistakes because I made them too. Sometimes I’m just an experienced observer who has seen hundreds of other young parents make the same mistake. And I’m not always sure of the best way to handle another person’s problems, so my advice might not even be as helpful as I imagine. One of the many reasons why life is so complicated, and so, so fascinating.

So, I may be disappointed in the actions of a few people this week, but I know that I need to look in the mirror and work on my own problems. By the time I get through with that project I won’t have time for anyone else.

 

Great Weather!

Everyone was in a good mood yesterday because of the great weather. Our forecast for the week is 60+ with 40s at night. I think one evening it is supposed to be 50. Our heater is off and I’ve opened a window for some fresh air. It makes a difference in my mood to have warmth and sunshine! I know it won’t last, but we will sure take advantage of it while we can. Gary is going to take a few vacation days this week, beginning tomorrow. Lucky guy! Robert is off this week because he is changing jobs. Too bad I don’t have some reason to be off!

Just have to share this sweet photo of my Mom and Dad. I’m not sure when it was taken, but they look young and in love. And check out their hair! Now you know where I get the curls.

Nothing exciting going on in my little mind this morning.

I am upset that one of my students stole a prize from his classmate yesterday. Have to discuss the consequences today, since it happened at the end of day.

 I am pleased with the progress of three of my students, who will be moved to higher reading groups next week. Makes me feel like I’m doing something right.

I’m happy to work with a group of teachers who can get together and solve problems. We had a good meeting yesterday.

I’m thrilled that WalMart has seeds on the shelves!!! Have to restrain myself from buying too many.

I’ll try to stay on my healthy eating plan today.

Having foot and hip pain this morning.

I really am a boring old woman.

Have a great day!!

 

If you buy it...

I’ve lost two more pounds. I haven’t done anything exciting except control my portions a little better and move a little more. But I’ve made a discovery that I think will serve me well on this journey.

If I don’t bring it home I can’t eat it.

I know, I know. You can stop laughing.

Dr. Phil has made this point for years and I guess I just “didn’t get it” or I ignored it with the excuse that I was shopping for two other people. But then Robert moved out. And now Gary is just as eager to improve his health as I am. So no more excuses.

There is no reason for me to buy chicken nuggets, cheese sticks, cookies, potato chips, or any other junk food unless I plan to buy a larger pants size! I make better choices, with very little effort, if my pantry and refrigerator contain healthy foods.

I’m also getting better and better at reading labels and I’ve made a few exchanges in salad dressing, crackers, sour cream, soups, cereal, and bread. I figure a little less salt and fewer calories here and there will add up to a significant difference.

I haven’t had a soda since December 30 and I haven’t really wanted one. Perhaps God is giving me a break on this one. I was getting rather bored with my daily cola.

My foot has been better after wearing my brace and taking ibuprofen for a week. I walked down to the gate and back yesterday. I don’t know how far that is, but it looks like this from the gate. It is up hill and I was out of breath, so that’s a good thing. I plan to work up to two trips. Slow but steady.  

Memories

Karen called late last night to tell me that she found yet another companion picture to the one I posted on the blog yesterday. I had to laugh because I couldn’t remember it. She said it shows all five of us again, but Gran is holding her. That’s what happens many times with photos. You share two or three with someone else, and at some point you forget those even exist.

Many of the photos I’m scanning for Karen belonged to Grandma Bea. Some were copies I sent her from Oklahoma, while others were taken by someone else and were a complete surprise to me. I don’t know who took this group photo of us or why some people are missing from the photo. I only know that it was taken when Mom and Dad visited us in 1973.

I love looking at these photos, not just because of the people and events, but because of the backgrounds. I know I must have rambled on and on about this before, but some things just jump out at me from photos. Here are some examples:

1.    One of the photos shows Karen standing at the sink in the bathroom at our house on Crystal. The house was next to Gran’s and was owned for a few years by a couple with a young daughter who was born with a club foot. I remember pushing her back and forth in her little swing after her foot surgery. I suppose my purpose in taking the photo was so that Mom could see our bathroom because we had painted and tiled it after we bought the house. What immediately came to mind when I saw the photo was that the neighbor’s daughter had locked herself in the bathroom the year before and we put Karen through the window so she could open the door for us! LOL

2.    Another photo shows Gran sitting on the lawn with some of the grandchildren. In the background is my old Chevy and hers. I think mine was a ’63 and hers was a ’64. I can barely see the trunk, but it shows a gap because I had been in a wreck and couldn’t afford to have the car fixed. I had the trunk tied shut with a bungee cord! The photo also shows the neighbor’s evaporative cooler on top of his roof and that brought back memories of several men in our family climbing the roof of Gran’s house at one time or another to fix her cooler. It’s a wonder no one ever fell!

3.    A picture of Karen next to Gran’s green sofa reminded me of the hours and hours Gran and I spent re-upholstering it in a hideous floral fabric that we loved at the time. I upholstered several pieces after we figured out what we were doing! It was a skill that saved me a lot of money.

4.    And who could forget Gran’s perfectly dreadful clock! LOL It appears in several photos. It was a gold carriage pulled by two horses. I have to post this photo because it is really beyond description. Probably worth a fortune on ebay and I have no idea what happed to it! Oh, and now that I see this little section of the photo again, I remember that the figurines on the shelf said "Made in occupied Japan" on the bottoms.  

Priceless

 
Caddo, 1969- Bigg Mama's House

Karen sent me some photos to scan and I was so pleased to see this one! I have the other photos from that day, but had lost this one, which is also the only one showing all five of us. That's baby Karen, Dad, Edna Alexander, Beatrice Alexander Simmons, and me with the big pony tail.

In Troubling Times

We’ve all seen the horrible images this week from the devastation in Haiti. The sad, heart-wrenching scenes make us grateful for the blessings of our own life, and they prompt us to offer help to those who have lost so much. Crisis always brings out the best in humanity. Perhaps this is what God intended. Or perhaps these things are just the result of nature set into motion. My feeble brain can’t always find answers to the big questions. And I think that is exactly what God intended- we aren’t meant to know, only to have faith in the ultimate outcome. This too shall pass and the next generation will be stronger and more determined to carry on. They will remember exactly where they were and what they were doing and what they lost when the “big one” hit, and it will shape and define their new life.

The magnitude of this crisis makes it a test for the rest of the world. What can we do? How quickly and efficiently can we do it? What will it cost? How will we pay for it? How long can we sustain our support? The answers will certainly impact the future of every one of us.  

High School

 

I suppose it is only natural that as one approaches sixty, Ohmygoodness60!, that one reflects on past activities, actions, and decisions. The other day one of my colleagues, who was in high school with me, commented that she still has moments when she sees me and remembers me as a blond. I had blond hair as a young girl, sandy hair later, and then dyed it blond for several years. So yesterday I took some photos to school with me- four of my best blond ones- and we had a good laugh. She made the comment that I was a “looker” in school.

That’s a comment I get a lot when people see photos of me as a girl or young woman. Gary thought I was quite beautiful when we met. What is ironic is that I never thought of myself that way. I was very insecure and I thought every other girl in school was prettier, thinner, had better hair, certainly better teeth, and nicer hands. I worried about being too short. I spent at least three weeks wanting to be a model, but a good friend said, “Well, you’re short. And you have that nose.” Another thing to worry about! LOL I was also a bit clumsy and awkward, something I blamed on being raised on a farm with boys. I couldn’t even play sports, so that separated me from yet another high school clique.

My uncle spent years using “ugly” as my nickname. I thought one of my aunts was a dead-ringer for Elizabeth Taylor. And my father liked to say “you can be beautiful or smart, but not both”. I know he meant that I could spend my time polishing my nails or reading a book, but I knew I was very, very smart, so it was only logical that I wasn’t beautiful.  So my family background set me up for a lot of insecurity.

I was tumbling all that around in my brain yesterday as I watched a high school girl who works in our building after school. Girls are so vulnerable at this age. I think that’s why they marry early, as I did, or form cliques, or join gangs. They are insecure and seeking reassurance from someone, anyone, that they are beautiful, talented, smart, funny, or in some other way unique and wonderful. I don’t think many of them get that even today. I’ve spoken with young girls who don’t realize how great they are because they are so busy comparing themselves to others and finding fault. And in our society much of that fault centers on weight and size. I blame much of that on actresses and the media.

I think it is up to some of us real women who have weathered the storms of life to act as mentors and role models for these girls. I think we need to seek some of them out and let them know that they are a “package deal”- looks, brains, personality- and that all of their skills and talents will be put to good use in the future. I remember high school as a time of study and fun and excitement, but also a time of great conflict, doubt, and drama. I thought I was doomed for failure at least once a week. There were two women at church and a teacher who kept me on the right path and gave me the confidence to become the woman I am today. I think Judy and Hatsene and Jeanne know what an impact they made on my life. Another older woman in our community told me recently that she often worried about me when I was in high school because I seemed so lost and confused.

So, I challenge you today to look within your circle of influence and see if there is a young girl who needs a kind word and some gentle guidance. Don’t assume that because you perceive her beauty, talent, or skill, that she is aware of it. She may be drowning in a sea of confusion and doubt.

Dreams

I had a strange dream this morning. I don’t often remember dreams, perhaps because I’m such a sound sleeper. However, this morning our cat woke me up at 3am. I tossed her out of the bedroom, shut the door and tried to get another hour of sleep. Instead I dozed and dreamed. I dreamed I had lost my wallet and my niece Megan was trying to help me find it. Mixed in somehow was an old x-ray that we had to return to the museum. It was raining and I decided to walk because I didn’t have my license. Trent got in his car to drive us, but I was worried about him leaving the children in the house alone. I kept seeing my empty purse and the space where my wallet should be. I was getting soaked, but didn’t care. Megan kept asking me why I had the x-ray.

Strange. That’s what dreams are- strange. They are usually a mix of fantasy and reality, problems and solutions. Experts tell us that dreams can be interpreted and that they often represent our search for meaning in our real life. Well, good luck with that one.

When I was a child I often dreamed of being lost or forgotten. I suppose that came from two real experiences. I was locked inside a storage shed once while my parents were gone to the store and my friend and I were supposed to be playing in her yard. I don’t remember the details or how the door locked behind us. What I do remember, at least sub-consciously, are enough details about the interior that on two occasions as an adult I have been in places that caused flashbacks and panic. I also have a very strong aversion to entering any building that doesn’t have windows.  Also, when I was about four or five, a group of neighborhood kids left me in a dry canal and told me that the water was going to come any minute and drown me. Then they just climbed out and walked off! The canal had steep cement sides and I couldn’t climb out on my own. I screamed until Mom heard me and rescued me.

As an adult I’ve had those dreams where I’m running or falling. I guess we all have dreams that depict us in danger of some sort. Once I was in the middle of a “running” dream that was so real I woke up shaking. Perhaps in our dreams we practice our “fight or flight” actions in case we need them in real life. Or maybe we relive our childhood fears over and over again, trying to resolve them.

I much prefer daytime dreams. I endured many long hours in the cotton fields by dreaming of what I would do when I was an adult with money and power. Of course I didn’t realize that adults don’t always have money and power! But my fantasies of owning a large horse ranch or a zoo, or living in the jungle or on Mars kept me going when I was tired and bored. Dreams help the creative side of our brain and often lead us to wonderful ideas.

So…nothing significant to say this morning. Nothing enlightening or even entertaining. Just a few random thoughts from a brain that spent the morning wandering in the rain.

I wonder if my cat woke me up because she was having a strange dream??

Make a New Plan Stan...

This is why I am no longer as active as I once was. After a week of walking on the treadmill and feeling pretty proud of myself, I suddenly went lame again. My old nemesis, plantar faciitis has returned to plague me for a while. I’ve worn my brace for a couple of nights and I’m going to get some new inserts. I may or may not be able to return to the treadmill. It may just be too hard a surface for my feet and I may not be able to walk for prolonged periods on anything except dirt. Unless you have experienced this severe burning pain and cramping in your feet, you may just think I’m a wimp, but believe me, this is a deal breaker. I have to walk in order to teach.

On the flip side, I have FINALLY lost two pounds. I think this is most likely due to the fact that I have not had a soda since December 30. Perhaps I have finally given up the liquid candy! We’ll see. Sixty days is the true benchmark for me.

There is a diet doctor in our area with an ad on television. I’ve never paid much attention to it because I assumed he was another pill-prescribing quack. Well, maybe I was wrong. He was on the local news one morning last week as part of their “Health Beat” series and I was impressed with both his logical advice and his sense of humor. He said that the number one thing you can do to lose weight and improve your health is to eat breakfast. Our bodies need nourishment to start the day and eating a good breakfast prevents us from overeating at lunch or dinner. That has never been a problem for me because I grew up in a household where everyone ate breakfast, but I thought I’d pass that along.

What really struck me was his advice about exercise. He said most people fail in their exercise plan because they expect it to be regimented and structured like going to the gym. What we need to do, he said, is just move more. “Dance, play, chase your toddler. If you don’t have a toddler, buy a chicken and chase it! But don’t think you have to do the same thing each day. I tell my patients to walk 100 yards and they look at me like I’m crazy. But I ask them, ‘did you walk 100 yards yesterday?’”

That makes so much sense to me! I’ve felt like a failure for years because I no longer attend the gym or walk with a group or get up every morning and do yoga. Perhaps what I need to do is just find daily opportunities for more movement, no matter what form it takes- walk a few extra steps, dance with my students, stretch- and quit worrying. It occurred to me last night as I was washing dishes that my real goal isn’t weight loss, but an improved lifestyle and better health. I have facet arthropathy, nerve damage from spinal surgery, and connective tissue disease. My family has a history of heart disease. All of these conditions can be improved with diet and exercise. I want to spend the next thirty years in better health and with less pain.

Twice during the past week I’ve eaten more than I should. What I’ve tried to do is really think about why. The first time occurred because I was cold. I was trying to compensate for the horrible winter weather by eating a warm “comfort food”. What I should have eaten was soup, either as a meal or with my meal. It would have been warming with fewer calories. The next incident was just a result of poor menu planning. I should have cooked a second vegetable and then I wouldn’t have eaten too much rice. It is this kind of thinking and planning that will eventually lead me to better eating habits. And that’s what I need- better eating habits.  

Really working on portion control and replacement foods this week. Thanks to everyone who has given me suggestions. I want to hear about your successes and your failures. We’re in this together!