The View from Here

Debt-Free

My son gave us a book for Christmas: The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. Robert is a big fan of Dave's- reads his books, listens to his radio show. Robert's financial decision-making process frequently includes the phrase "what would Dave do?" It's all good. Regardless of what philosophy you ascribe to, just being aware of your financial position is a good thing. However, I've found Dave's approach to be especially practical because it deals with real issues faced by real people and proposes real solutions. Oh, the solutions aren't always easy. Dave is fond of saying "sell..." whatever it is that is costing too much money. Or get a better job. Or get another job and pay off those debts.

I've been examining my own finances lately and discovered that little things can add up. When I stopped drinking sodas it not only improved my health, but saved me some money each day. When Gary changed his job and we stopped eating out so often, it saved us money. When I started questioning each purchase instead of just blindly buying something "on sale", I saved money.

Now I just have to remind myself that saved money needs to be applied to debt. Any windfall, increase, gift, or extra earnings needs to be applied to our debt...until it's gone. I've seen several websites and blogs lately that are devoted to the concept of being debt-free. Most concentrate on credit cards, others include car payments and even mortgage payments. I'm not going to worry about how far we can go with the concept. I just want to start traveling in the right direction!

We're given a totally different message by the media: spend, spend, spend so our economy will thrive. Well, that's all fine, unless we are spending money we don't have. And that's essentially what credit is doing for us- allowing us to spend money we don't have, in hopes that we will have it in the future. I don't know about you, but my future keeps changing in unexpected ways. Our expenses have gone up and our income has gone down. That's not exactly what we planned!

Debt-free seems like a reasonable goal after reading Dave's book. I may have to re-read it a few times to stay on track, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.

Fishing

I haven't been fishing in a hundred years, but I thought about it today. I read a survey about "family activities" and it just sort of lingered in my mind. Fishing was something we did often when I was a kid. I don't think it had as much to do with fun as it did with food. We actually needed the fish. However, I enjoyed the experience. I probably had more fishing time with my dad than most girls because I was the first child. He had to wait a while for a male fishing companion. I guess I was an okay substitute since I wasn't squimish about worms and such. I wasn't fond of boats, but we usually fished from the bank anyway.

My father still loves to fish, but I've outgrown it. I prefer to buy my fish. I suppose I'm just lazy. Of course we often enjoy the fruits of his labor, especially in the summer! Nothing like fresh catfish. 

Gary has begun to fish a little. He didn't do much of it as a child, but when we lived in Lone Pine he took the children fishing. I found these in the slides we just scanned. Looks like fun! Perhaps in the spring I'll wander down to the pond and see if I remember how it's done...

 

Fashion Faux Pas

According to Merriam Webster a "faux pas" is a "blunder, esp. a social blunder". I spotted the term on a web page recently that was trashing movie stars' fashions. Okay, I'm not the person to be giving fashion advice. It's been decades since I cared about style or fashion or trends or anything along those lines. If I'm comfortable I'm happy. However, I do know that in order to commit a "faux pas" there has to be some rule one has broken, some standard that one has ignored. Believe me, our society HAS NO STANDARDS when it comes to fashion.

I remember trying to learn the rules of fashion that applied to my generation. Don't wear white after Labor Day. Don't forget your gloves- short ones for church, long ones for parties. Always, always wear a girdle and hose. Wear a hat with a suit. Pearls with...I forget. Then the mini-skirt became popular and all the rules seemed to go out the window. Each generation has gotten a little more casual and some of our current "fashion" is downright frightening. But the more important point is- who cares? Really. Why does it matter? What are we trying to prove?

I suppose fashion matters to us because it is the first thing other people see. Try watching a crowd at the mall or an airport. You'll notice someone's attire before you notice their face or hair. And in the thirty seconds or so that it takes you to assess their appearance, you've also made several assumptions about them. That's why we care. That's what scares us. We're afraid someone will get the wrong idea about us. We're afraid we'll be labeled as trashy or sloppy or stupid or old or something derogatory. Well, I've decided that if my clothes matter to someone, then we probably aren't going to become best friends anyway. Better to know that up front and get it over with quickly! LOL

And as women, we are also afraid someone will think we don't know the latest trends. We've been trained since birth to care about what everyone else is wearing. We've been expected to watch and listen and read about what "everyone will be wearing this season". I witnessed so much of that when I worked for Macy's. Otherwise well-adjusted, intelligent women would literally give themselves an ulcer trying to keep up with the latest fashion trends. Well, I haven't worried about that in years and I haven't suffered a bit. I like what I like. I buy what I want. I wear what makes me happy. And if I make a fashion faux pas, at least I'm in good company. Even the movie stars do it!

 

Mixed Blessings

It has been a crazy weekend of cold, windy weather and lots of minor problems. However, we have persevered. Ready now to face a new week. :)

People are constantly teasing me about my new hobby: recording gravesites and photographing headstones. However, I have only just begun to document! Click on this link to read about Joe and Dorothy Button who have recorded over 50,000 tombstones. Then check my Caddo blog to see a few unusual ones I've photographed. I found one recently that doesn't say when the person was born or died. It just has her age!

And please remember that if you want me to photograph a headstone or do some research for you, you need to email me. I can't always contact you through a comment because it doesn't show me your address.

Television

I found an entry in one of my old diaries that made me stop and laugh. We lived in Lone Pine at the time (1978) and had driven to Gran's, in Fresno, for a weekend visit. Here is part of the entry:

"Watched Gran's color TV. Everything looks so real. I'm almost glad we don't have one- it would be too tempting to watch it."

That's amusing to me for several reasons. First of all, I think I've mentioned before that Gran had the first television in our family. I remember the tiny rounded screen and the knobs on the front. I remember an argument with my dad about watching my favorite western- which she settled by telling me that when I grew up I could turn the knobs. I recall being fascinated by the tubes in the back of the television. If one stopped working Granddad would take it to the store and get a new one. Then the television would spring to life again. I loved going to Gran's to watch television when I was a kid because all we had was a radio. I guess Gran was always the trend-setter, because now I realize she also had a color television before we did! 

I like my comment about the color image looking "real". I can just imagine how it would compare with today's high definition images. Funny how our expectations change.

And I didn't want to waste my time with television. When we lived in Lone Pine I was jogging, hiking, riding my bike, playing tennis, writing, baking, taking care of the children, working at church, and volunteering at school. I didn't have time for television. I still don't have time for it, but I make time for it. Sad in a way.

Many of us are watching less television lately because of the strike. That's a good thing. I've been doing more puzzles, genealogy, reading, writing. Of course I did make time to watch Comanche Moon. I loved it...didn't want it to end. Now we are watching Lonesome Dove again. I do love a western! I'll even watch one in black and white.   

Spelling

Of course I noticed that misspelled word in my previous post...after it had been posted for a whole day. And of course I had to go back and change it. I'm obsessive about spelling.

Spelling is one of those things that either makes sense to you or it doesn't. I used to think that I wasn't smart if I couldn't spell. I've learned over the years that even the brightest students aren't always good at spelling. It really is a memory function, not a sign of intelligence.

My cousin is a very intelligent woman. However, when we were in school she would turn around in her seat and ask me to spell the most common words for her. Homonyms drove her crazy! Scientific terms eluded her. Let's face it- many of our words just don't make any logical sense!

I face this challenge each day with my kindergarten students. It's tough to teach them a language "rule" and then in almost the same breath tell them that there are many words that break the rule. My stronger readers already know that most words ending in "e"- such as lake, cake, kite- will have a long vowel sound in the middle. But, that means I have to explain give and live! "Live" is really tough because it has both pronunciations in our language. So spelling becomes a challenge.

"Spell check" you're thinking! Yes, it would have helped me if I had remembered to do it. However, in typing I've found that there are some very common mistakes that I make that are overlooked by spell-checking. I frequently type "form" when I mean "from". You may have already noticed that in several posts. And spell-check doesn't recognize some words.

Today my kindergartners will take their weekly spelling test.They will spell words like pig, hot, go, dad, and kite. Some will be very good at sounding out the letters and writing them on their little papers. Others will struggle and I will talk with them again about doing their best and just writing down the ones they know. Next year they will have word lists to memorize and the words will be longer and more difficult. Somewhere along the line they will begin to form the opinion that there is something wrong with their brains because they just can't keep all the letters and words straight. I hope at that point they get a teacher who takes them aside and says, "Look, it's just spelling. Do the best you can." I don't want them to grow up to be as obsessive about it as I am. :)

I'm just a teacher...

but I've learned a few things about children over the years. And you didn't ask me, but I'm going to pass along a few gems that have helped me solve problems. Sometimes that's what teaching, and parenting is- just solving problems. 'Course you solve one problem and the next one pops up, but if you learn a few tried and true methods of problem solving and a few basic truths about children, it all works out eventually. So here are some truths to get you started:

1. Parents always ask me why Johnny does such and so. The usual reason is because it works. Children are survivors. If we don't tell them how things work, they figure it out for themselves. If something works for them they do it again. If it doesn't, they try something else. Most behavior is attached to a reward of some kind, even if it isn't logical or even apparent to us.

2. If a child has a serious learning disability they can't easily control or change it. Each time a parent with a problem child tells me "I think my child has...xyz." I ask them if the child can correct the particular action that makes them think that. Most serious problems require professional help and long-term guidance. If a child can change a skill or behavior within a short time, or the "symptom" comes and goes, chances are the parents are simply looking for an easy solution in a "labeled condition". We all do it. If the enemy is already studied and described and labeled, it makes it easier for us to face it. If it is some vague something, then we have more problem solving to do.

3. Children need time. This is the most important thing I've learned about them. I need to wait for them to process information and really make it part of their own knowledge. I need to wait for them to give me an answer. I need to wait for them to make a choice. Our hurry-up world isn't good for children. It makes them frustrated and unhappy.

4. Children need adults. They crave attention and interaction. You can't let television or sports activities or video games or anything else take up too much of their time. They need you, us, them. They need other people in their lives.

Okay, time for work so we'll have to continue this later...

Not Much

It's been a quiet weekend. Uneventful, except perhaps, for the great basketball game Friday night. I pondered what to write about today since I lead a rather quiet, some would say "boring", life most of the time. I'm the first to admit that I'm not an exciting person. However, I've come to realize that it is in the quiet moments, the reflective moments, that we discover who we are and what is important to us.

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately. I don't spend a lot of time with other women. I suppose because I was raised with boys and moved a lot, I never really bonded with others of my gender. I wasn't fond of shopping or music concerts or other teen girl activities. I was a bit of a loner and still am. (I don't have anyone I'd call if I wanted to go buy a dress, or anything else,  because it would make me very, very uncomfortable to share that experience with anyone.) However, I truly enjoy talking to friends and colleagues and even strangers. I love to listen to other women talk about their families and work and even their problems. I've received some wonderful emails this week, and spent time talking to some of my favorite people. Not exciting, but wonderful for the soul.

One of my dearest friends is someone I haven't even seen in several years. We met in the seventies and formed a bond. I told her recently I think our guardian angels must be friends. :) We've just always had a connection of the heart. Emails and letters have to keep us together now that I'm in OK and she's in CA. However, I'm still hoping that we will meet again in person one day.

I received a touching gift from a friend yesterday. She understands my obsession with elephants and is always on the lookout for interesting ones. She gave me three to add to my collection. Thanks B!

I also got an anonymous gift from someone in town, and an email thank-you from a stranger far away. Both "made my day". It's always nice to be appreciated. I try to "pay it forward" by remembering to thank those who are kind to me in some way.

Speaking of that, I saw a report about a bank that gives their employees a Christmas bonus check, with the stipulation that they have to give it away. It's a great way to help others and the employees raved about how good it made them feel to be able to help someone or some group in their town. I was impressed with the bank, but also with the attitude of the employees. 

I've talked about friends today, but I want to offer up a challenge to you. I want to challenge you to show some kindness to a stranger this week. You never know who may become your next friend... 

In 1975...

I decided to start keeping a journal. I hadn’t kept one for several years. I guess the reason I started again was because we had recently moved to Iowa and I was far from family and friends. That journal would be the first of many. I have kept a journal nearly every year since that time. Much of what I wrote, and still write, is very ordinary. I suppose it might seem silly to write down such mundane things as what we had for dinner or what the children did for entertainment. However, looking back and reading them now that the children are grown has given me a new perspective on the process. I realize now that keeping a daily journal gave me a way to complain about some things without hurting the feelings of anyone else. Writing things down helped me work out problems and vent frustrations. Looking back over a week or a month or a year let me see patterns in my life. It also let me see a balance between problems and blessings.

Now that I’m older, I love the fact that I included a few details like the prices of things. I even kept careful records of expenses for a couple of long trips. What surprised me about my Iowa journal was how much cooking and sewing I did!! I sewed dresses and suits and costumes for lots of other people. There are entries about making apple cobbler, dozens of cookies, homemade mayonnaise, roasts, cakes, candy, breads…I was Martha Stewart! LOL (Don’t ask me what happened- the new, lazier me just evolved.) 

I’m going through my journals now to glean some information about trips and moves and such that corresponds with the slides we just scanned. I promised my scrap-booking child that I would do some documentation for her.

I won’t bore you with a day-by-day account of my life. I’ll just include a couple of the first entries. What I want to encourage you to do is keep your own journal. Even if you are older, it will be a rewarding experience for you, and you will leave a lasting communication for your children. (And future genealogists will love you for it!)

That brings me to the dilemma that confronts many of us who keep a journal. Do we really want our children to see them? What about negative or angry entries? What about “secrets”? I’ve been tempted at times to destroy my journals because some entries make me sound so weak and self-pitying. Some make me sound like a hateful witch. But isn’t that the reality of our lives? Do I want my children to have the impression that I was some sort of saint, that I didn’t make any mistakes in my life? No. I expect my children, if they are even interested in reading my journals someday, to understand that I did the best I could with my life. I said and did things that were a result of who I was and where I was at the time. Everything I have ever done- good, bad, and ordinary- has made me who I am today. And I’m pretty satisfied with this old woman. As Mama Della once remarked about someone: “She has her good faults and her bad faults, but she’s worth knowing.”

120 E. Third St.

Wilton, Iowa

October 30, 1975-Thursday

            Decided it might be interesting to keep a daily journal. Then I could look back over the years and laugh!

Today I was busy with last minute work on the kids’ costumes. Mary___ paid me $4.00 for her daughter’s two blouses. Went trick-or-treating with Sandy and Sharon and all the neighbor kids. The wind was chilly, but we had fun and the kids got a lot of candy.

October 31-    Katrina, Robert, and I went to Muscatine with Sandy and Keith. Looked at furniture. Had lunch at Mr. Quick. They had a 19 cent burger special. Went to the parade at 6pm in Wilton. The girls marched with Sandy while Gary and I watched. Karen was a clown, Katrina a ghost. Katrina won 50 cents for third place for her costume. There was a wiener roast afterward. Sure was fun!

             Okay, not Pulitzer material by any stretch of the imagination. LOL But that, too, is interesting. The journal from 1975 is full of short notes about children, family, friends, activities. Other journals are introspective and have much longer entries. Each year is different. Make this the year YOU start your own journal. Enjoy. 

75

Yes, that was our temperature Saturday. The numbers aren’t reversed- it was 75 degrees! In January! I don’t know about global warming, but it was warm here. We opened the windows and let in some much-needed fresh air. I even went for a walk. Still nice today and not much cooler for tomorrow. My students will enjoy it!

It’s amazing how the temperature affects our moods and actions. Too cold and we’re huddled up in front of the fire, eating too much, and watching too much television. Too hot and we’re huddled up in front of the air conditioner, eating too much, and watching too much television. I’ve decided that 70-80 is the prime temperature range for optimum functioning. I buzzed around here and did a dozen little projects this weekend.

Of course I’ve been listening to the “political process” along with everyone else. It’s interesting to hear the candidates talk about change and how they plan to improve our lives. However, after living beyond fifty, I’ve come to the conclusion that presidents do very little to change my daily life. If I want a better life, it’s up to me to do something about it. I got a better education and a better job and a better income because I worked hard, not because I waited for the government to do something about my poverty. If I want better health and better health care then I need to get off my fat butt, and exercise and eat right, not blame my doctor or pharmacist or the big drug companies if they can’t make me feel better.

Oh, I know there are big issues that concern us all and they require laws and regulations and such. I know we need representation and government. I know the president works on foreign relations and things that affect our overall safety and lifestyle. I’m just saying that most of those “big picture” issues aren’t really within the control of one person. The president isn’t the all powerful wizard behind the curtain. There are thousands of people involved in the daily workings of the government. We’ve all seen how presidents have tried to push reforms in one area or another and been thwarted by the process required to put those reforms into real action. Such is the nature of the complicated system that has evolved.

If you really want to make some changes that affect your daily life, the local level is where you start. Why get all worked up about who is going to be president? What is your mayor doing for you? City council? School board? Governor? Congressman? Senator?  These are the people who take care of  our local issues. We need to be as careful in choosing these people as we claim to be in choosing a president. 

I haven’t decided who to vote for yet, but I know I’m going to be tired of all the candidates before this is over. We’ve taken the political process and turned it into a three-ring circus. My son reminds me that the founding fathers never envisioned politics as a career. Our original representatives were simply people who left their daily lives for a while to go off and speak for the rest of us.

Well, I don’t claim to be smart enough or experienced enough to make any real contribution to your understanding of politics or government, so I’d better stick to my own little areas of  knowledge before my son reads this and tells me how crazy I am! LOL

With that little segue I will tell you that I put into practice a tip that I learned from The Family Tree Problem Solver (see my bookshelf listing). One of the chapters talks about “collateral kin” and doing research about whole families and even looking at neighbors. This has helped me so much! I went back to a couple of my “problem families” and checked the census for neighbors. Turned up a brother and a nephew and a sister in other households. Checked on a couple of brothers and found some new information on locations that helped me find more information. Gained some more information from looking at a wife and her brother and parents. The point being that we sometimes focus so much on a particular person’s “straight line” genealogy that we overlook valuable information contained in stories about other family members. And in the past it was also very common for people to marry neighbors, or for older family members to live near younger relatives. From now on I’m going to do a much better job of looking for in-laws and uncles and even cousins!

Sad news tonight about my granddaughter’s other grandmother. She is very, very ill and I need you to pray for her. The doctors aren’t quite sure what is wrong with her or if they can save her life. This has been sudden- within the last few days- and very stressful for everyone involved. Our lives are not only fragile, they are so intertwined.

I hope your new year is off to a good start. Remember, every day is a new start. Make the best of it.