My mind has been scattered lately. I feel as though I have a thousand thoughts and projects going at once. I crave peace and quiet and calm, but can’t quite seem to find them. I seek order and cleanliness and organization, but instead find piles of laundry and unfinished projects. I’m a person who likes to be in control, and it seems as though I’ve lost control of a few areas. I’m spending more time at school than I did last year. I’m spending less time in the garden than I’d like. I can’t seem to get into a good “get things done” routine. I’m spending too much time coming and going, and not enough time sleeping. I fell asleep at the wheel Friday afternoon and jerked awake just as I crossed the center line. Scared me half to death and I was agitated for the rest of my drive home. Perhaps what I need is some crisp, cool fall weather instead of the hot, dry cycle we are still plagued by.
We did get some rain yesterday. Just hours before our annual Heritage Day Celebration and parade it thundered and stormed. We were just about to leave at 6:15am when lightening struck so near the house that I decided to wait another half an hour. By the time we drove to town it was just softly sprinkling and dozens of people were carrying on with preparations for the day. The 5K run started on time and the runners were actually pleased with the cooler conditions. The vendors managed to get set up without too much trouble, although they had to stop a couple of times for heavier showers. The parade was wonderful and was very well attended. I noticed several people in the crowd pass umbrellas up to friends and family members who were on floats. Caddo is a tough little town and it was evident all morning that the blessing of some much-needed rain wasn’t going to dampen the spirit of celebration for anyone. I promise to post some photos later in the week. I still use one of those old-fashioned cameras!
I tasted my first bison burger yesterday. It wasn’t different enough to make it worthy of any praise, but I understand that bison is much leaner and healthier than beef. Anyway, I can say that I’ve eaten one! I wasn’t so cooperative with the last trendy food- emu. Never tasted it, never want to.
I spent the night in pain. I guess I spent too much time walking on concrete yesterday. I’ve had weeks of persistent pain, numbness, and tingling, first in my legs and then in my feet and now in my left hip. I’m losing sleep and getting grouchy. I’ve become a whiner. I don’t like whining. In fact, I dislike it so much that I can’t keep it up for very long. I’ll just work through the pain to a point of tolerance and go on. It’s annoying to have something interfering with my plans! The doctor has scheduled more tests to find out if I have nerve damage. There will be answers then, and decisions to be made. Why can’t our bodies just get better as they age instead of falling apart?
I discussed my whining with my aunt yesterday. She’s had more than her share of back problems. She’s flying in from California this week and I’m really looking forward to seeing her and “catching up” on events in her life. I haven’t seen her in a few years and she hasn’t been in Caddo in many years: families are so scattered these days! My husband and I were talking about that during the hurricanes. It used to be that a disaster in another part of the country effected “those people”. Now it effects us all because our families and friends and our neighbor’s families and friends live everywhere. I can’t even count the number of people I know who have friends and/or relatives in one or both of the hurricane areas.
My neighbor came over last night to see pictures, sent by email to me, of her new great-grandchild in Indiana. The computer is a marvelous tool for sharing happy events! She’ll go in person to see the baby in a couple of weeks, even though her last flight to visit family members was fraught with delays and problems.
Yesterday was a day of visiting with friends and family members who traveled to Caddo for Heritage Day and for the reunion of the class of 1955. It was also the last day on earth for my great-aunt, Anna Marie Alexander. She was my grandmother’s sister-in-law and a respected member of our community. I’ll miss her smiling face and warm hug on Sunday mornings.
My friend is returning to work tomorrow after the accidental death of her only child. I find it hard to think about comforting her. I don’t think there are words I can say to lessen her pain. I don’t think I even fully understand what she’s going through. Even the loss of my mother wasn’t the same. I knew she was ill. I had a chance to prepare my mind for her loss. I’ve never lost a child and I hope they all live to stand over my grave. I can only pray that I will have the courage to be a friend and to support her with my love.
So, these are my random thoughts tonight. Not musings, but more like ramblings. Heritage Day has come and gone for the twenty-first time. My husband is off to Houston again. My great-aunt is dead. The hot weather persists. My pain annoys. My aunt is coming for a visit. My neighbor has a new great-grandchild. Life goes on…change is inevitable…and I am blessed.